Friday, 15 January 2016

Seat Of Shame: Sisters

Date: 12/01/2016
Time: 4:10pm
Film: Sisters
Cinema: Warringah Mall Hoyts, Cinema 1
Seats: J15-17

After running into a friend from high school and not initially recognizing her and running into who I thought was a friend from work and recognizing him anyway, I was already in a weird mind state. So, imagine my chagrin walking into the cinema which was completely empty, save for three people sitting together. One of whom was in my seat (For the record, this cinema has designated seating; I’m not some asshole who just calls dibs on a seat). Considering every other seat was empty, I figured it wasn’t important enough to start a fight over and just sat in the next row. Within moments, I realized that this was a mistake. Now, I mentioned in my 2015 round-up that talking during the trailers isn’t something I usually get annoyed at; hell, with how vapid some of the pre-film adverts can get, a bit of distraction is sometimes necessary. However, much like with Truth, this was louder than that leniency allows.

Not only were they talking at living room volumes, it was also the kind of behind-the-back badmouthing that I would usually expect from bratty high schoolers. They mentioned how a ‘friend’ of theirs was a bit of a ho, and how everyone talked behind her back about her. I see that social Lemmingism hasn’t died out. If I had to guess, I’d say that they were in their late-teens/early-20’s, so they very well could be high schoolers for all I know. Not that I cared at the time; all I was thinking was how much I couldn’t stand Valley Girls at the best times, let alone when they are right behind me in a venue where people are supposed to be quiet. Once the movie started, they quieted down a bit; the one on the right was even encouraging the other two to pipe down. Unfortunately, every so often, the one on the left would keep going, at the same level, during the film proper. It would either be moments of stating the bleeding obvious (“She’s like 40 and she just flashed her tits out”) like this was an amateur audio descriptive screening, or just trying to be funny on her own like this was a screening of The Room. It wasn’t so much that I tried to tell her three times to shut up with increasingly velocity (please/would you/shut the fuck up); it was that she didn’t even blink each time it happened. I could’ve been speaking Klingon and it would have had the same effect.

However, what officially got my hackles up was during the John Cena scene. When he first showed up, because of how much I have been exposed to it on Facebook from so-called friends, I immediately had “It’s John Cena” playing in my head. God, if it’s possible to kill a meme, and I mean shoot it in the head, please let me know so I can put an end to neo-Rick Roll. She then proceeding to sing it as well… like my nightmare suddenly became a reality and the memes had started to invade my real life. It was at that moment that an idea sprang to mind. A really really bizarre and kind of stupid idea. Going by traffic camera logic, and thinking that photo evidence would deter future offenders, I shot straight up as soon as the credits did and played a little paparazzi with my smartphone. I don’t know what’s weirder: Me having the idea to essentially take a mug shot, me executing the idea or the fact that she posed for the photo. Not anything gaudy; just looking like she was a five-year-old who had been caught tossing a milk bottle around in the kitchen. I snapped it, told her “next time, maybe you should keep your mouth shut” and left before they had a chance to rightfully lay the smackdown on me. I am describing this instead of just showing the photo because so long as that photo existed, so did the evidence that I had done it; I deleted it shortly after I got home.

So, yeah, turns out I acted a bit dickish as well. Kind of makes the Seat Of Shame thing take on a triple meaning, considering they were in my seat, but still I wanted to make a log about it. I may act a little high and mighty with these posts, and I do plan on making more of them, but I’m not hardly infallible myself.

As long as they won’t be quiet, neither will I.

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