Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) - Movie Review

I probably have the worst first impression of the Smurfs possible, as my first full-length encounter with them was through the 2011 film. Directed by the numbnuts that gave us the ever-popular comedic classic Beverly Hills Chihuahua, the live-action Smurfs film is easily one of the hardest films I’ve ever sat through. Thankfully, it didn’t fall into my purview for reviews, because I’m fairly certain it would’ve just been “fuck this movie” repeated 300-some times. I completely skipped the sequel, wanting to keep what little sanity I have left, and then the trailers for today’s film hit… and you cannot possibly imagine how much relief washed over me when I saw that this was not only a full CGI production but that it was a reboot of the series.

 

Going against what most would consider common sense, those two prospects combined with the phenomenally low bar the Raja Gosnell films set for the IP actually made me hopeful that this would be good. Given how this is the year that has audience expectations in a 24-hour shooting gallery, I can only hope that my optimism isn’t proven worthless.

Cooties (2015) - Movie Review

This is most certainly a team-up that, even in my weirdest pot dreams, I wouldn’t have been able to foresee. On one hand, you have Leigh Whannell, best known for his collaborations with James Wan on the Saw and Insidious series. On the other, you have Ian Brennan, best known for being the brainchild of the thankfully recently-concluded TV migraine Glee. Except for a possible connection involving people screaming in terror, I can’t even think of a comparative duo to explain just how strange this is. The fact that this is yet another zombie film seems like an afterthought by comparison. Well, in the spirit of goodwill and the fact that I really hope Whannell is at least capable of keeping up with his cinematic brother’s success, it’s time to delve into today’s rather strange production that just happens to feature a lot of dead children. Yeah.