Swimming With Men (2019) - Movie Review

Growing up is difficult. Growing old, even more so. The mindset that aging can put people in can make for great works of cinema, but unfortunately, this film isn’t one of them. Based on the 2010 documentary Men Who Swim (making this the third film I’ve covered this year that’s based on a pre-existing piece of cinema, after Fighting With My Family and Hotel Mumbai), this film has its material cut out for it with a story about a group of older men who form a synchronised swimming team and compete on the international level in Milan. However, both as a dramatisation of actual events and as a piece of drama on its own, this fails to do much more than swim in circles.

Holmes And Watson (2018) - Movie Review

Supreme confidence + extreme incompetence. This relatively simple formula is in the DNA of an awful lot of comedy, where the humour is generated from characters who think they are far smarter than they actually are. It’s a form of stylistic hubris that many comedians owe the bulk of their legacies to, including the fabled pairing of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. However, while this is an equation that has yielded much success in the past, it’s also potentially tricky in the same way that most intentionally dumb comedies are: There has to be a distinction being a film that knows how stupid it is, and a film that is just plain stupid. Because much like the characters that bank on this style, there are few things more laughable than people with disproportionate egos. Except, of course, when the filmmakers themselves seem to share that trait.

Early Man (2018) - Movie Review

The plot: The simple life for Dug (Eddie Redmayne) and his tribe of cavemen is about to be interrupted when the Bronze Age ruler Lord Nooth (Tom Hiddleston) kicks them out of their meadow and leaves them to fend for themselves. Desperate to save his tribe, Dug challenges Nooth to a game of soccer: If Dug and his team win, they get their meadow back. As the tribe practices the ancient sport, and Nooth prepares to make bank from the match, the heat is on to see who will win this battle of the Ages.

The Huntsman: Winter's War (2016) - Movie Review

In today’s more prominently continuation-based film economy, there is one thing that everyone can be given credit for: We’ve learnt proper continuity. Say what you will about the wavering quality standards between sequels/reboots/reimaginings and what have you, but filmmakers and in particular screenwriters know what they’re doing when it comes to making one story feel like an actual follow-up to another. We’re past the days of going from Batman Returns to Batman Forever, where the tonal shift was enough to melt your spine at a moment’s notice. Or, at least, I thought we were. And then came the trailer of today’s film, and we all collectively went pulled the head tilt that is synonymous with reading a large number of Star Wars fanfiction: Where the fuck does this fit into the canon, if at all? Is it a prequel? Sequel? Mid-quel? Attempt to create a TV series that didn't get picked up? It’s kind of astonishing that a trailer for a film can come out that raises so many questions that they actively had to make another one just to answer them as best they could. I’d make a statement about not judging films entirely by their trailers, given some of the *ahem* controversies going on at the moment concerning a release that is fast approaching, but quite frankly this is a pretty bad first impression to get. But credit where it’s due, the film itself straightens the timeline out; it just finds whole new ways to be shit.

Cinderella (2015) - Movie Review

Choosing to remake one of the classic Disney Princess films was a risky decision, bordering on suicidal considering how poorly the last attempt at this was taken. Sure, I may not have disliked Maleficent as much as other people, in fact I honestly think it was pretty decent, but in terms of the bottom line that is the almighty dollar, this is kind of lopsided. It is also completely understandable: Cinderella is one of the most recognisable fairy tales of all time, to the point where Cinderella as a term is fully ingrained in the human lexicon, and releasing a new version of the tale is always going to draw attention. But just because they are able to convince a lot of people to see their movie doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be fulfilled upon leaving the cinema. So, time to see what a person in the completely wrong demographic for this film has to say about it to help you make your mind about it, because that makes all kinds of sense.