How To Blow Up A Pipeline (2023) - Movie Review

I get the feeling that, considering the subject matter of this review and… well, just take a look at the title for the bloody thing, I should probably try and cover my own arse by writing a notice saying, as explicitly as possible, that I do not condone the actions that are depicted in this film and I do not encourage anyone to re-enact them in real life. Y’know, just in case someone gets pissed off enough about what I think of a certain movie to go digging for dirt on me, and decides to quote-mine for anything that they consider wrongthink.

Of course, despite what most media would tell you about pacifists, I am not a coward. As much as my opinions and worldviews are subject to change over time (this blog is having its ten-year anniversary next month; I doubt that I’m even the same person I was ten months ago), I still stand by every word I’ve put down here, if for no other reason than they genuinely represent my understanding of things when I initially wrote them. What I’ve written here is no different.

Besides, if someone truly ends up being inspired by this review, or indeed by the film itself, to try and act out this particular narrative… that’s probably just a stray droplet of water on what was already a tree with deep roots.

Sanctuary (2023) - Movie Review

For about as long as I’ve shown any real interest in film, I’ve always tried to advocate for enjoying films regardless of where that enjoyment comes from. I have sat through way too many bad films that I went into knowing that they’d be bad, of my own free will, to turn my nose up at what anyone else chooses to do for fun in their off-time. And while I can’t say I have all that much first-hand experience with S&M and other such play routines, quite a bit of my understanding of engaging with media, and indeed my championing of Edgelord Optimism (finding positivity in disturbing and weird shit), shares a lot of DNA with BDSM philosophy. Pain can lead to its own form of pleasure, even if it’s the hyperbolic pain of a bad movie.

Strays (2023) - Movie Review

Hoo boy. It’s been a while since we’ve dealt with some talking animal shit on here, eh? That sub-genre that I keep running into and keep being aghast at just how bad it can get. And on top of that, we’re not dealing with an animated film; instead, we’ve got 2000s-era CGI work meant to make real-life dogs look like they’re talking, as if the non-existence movement above the nose-line doesn’t break the illusion every single time. Yeah, suffice to say, I wasn’t exactly jumping for joy at the prospect of watching this, but to its credit, it does have some merit to it. Just not in any of the obvious places.

Gran Turismo (2023) - Movie Review

Video game movies tend to come in two flavours. They’re either about video game characters in their separate video game world, or they’re about those characters making in their way into the ‘real world’. On both counts, studios have historically struggled with making such movies worthwhile, although with the recent successes of The Super Mario Bros. Movie and Sonic The Hedgehog 2 (I specify the sequel because the original is still pretty naff), that tide has definitely been turning of late.

Meg 2: The Trench (2023) - Movie Review

Y’know, I questioned the point of making a big-budget B-movie like this back when the first Meg came out, but with the industry still recovering from the COVID shuffle, I especially question it now. Doubly so because of the director for this one: Ben Wheatley. While he has a storied history with out-there horror material (also helping to produce just plain weird shit like Aaaaaaah! and The Greasy Strangler), and he’s done a bit of pop work in the past like directing two episodes of Capaldi-era Doctor Who, I’m… still trying to figure out where this fits in his larger catalogue. And bear in mind that I managed to find something about his Rebecca remake that made sense, so it says something when I’m struggling with this one. Then again, there’s a lot about this film that I’m struggling with.

Dracula: Voyage Of The Demeter (2023) - Movie Review

It’s been a while since we’ve done one of these on here, but we’ve got another preview screening to get through today (thanks again to StudioCanal for reaching out and letting me attend)… and this is an interesting one. After dealing with some Dracula fanfiction over the past twelve months, between the god-awful The Invitation and the pretty goddamn good Renfield, we now have a specific adaptation of the original Bram Stoker novel. More specifically, the chapter ‘The Captain’s Log’ which, in context to the rest of the book, is mainly just an interlude to explain Dracula shifting from one place to another so that the bigger story can continue.

Oppenheimer (2023) - Movie Review

The existential threat posed by the atomic bomb has always felt like an abstract concept to me. Being born after the bubbling conceptualising of it during WWII, and its position as the final safeguard during the Cold War, I haven’t really considered that kind of devastation as something real. Or, at least, beyond the perplexing optimism of the time that, should one of these bombs go off, the public would be perfectly fine if they just hid under a table with their arms over their heads. Part of my struggle with dealing with media in the context with which it was made (usually when dealing with anything made pre-1995) extends beyond just media and even for actual shit that has happened, and could very well happen again. And yet, for the longest time, I’ve always treated it as something historical, something academic, rather than anything concrete.

Watching this film changed that for me. Big time.