After the pleasant surprise of Hubie Halloween, I could play devil’s advocate and say that I decided to watch this because I thought I could trust it to be good and that Happy Madison were only making good movies now. But that’d be the biggest lie I’ve ever written down: I did this because I wanted to get Happy Madison entirely out of the way for the year as soon as possible, and knowing the distance between David Spade and the Sandman as far as actual talent, there is nothing here that set me up for a good time. And from the director of Spade’s last disaster with Father Of The Year, and the writers of his previous disaster The Do-Over, we have what you would expect from the House of Sandler, only this managed to get under my skin even worse than most.
Much like Hubie, this film feels like a greatest hit’s compilation of what the studio is known for… except this is the inverse of what we got in that film, highlighting all the little things that make these films so insufferable. For a start, the story is framed around a company retreat in Hawaii, which made me wish for a plane crash because that would mean even a modicum of variety in this played-out trope. The main problem with that trope though, beyond the laziness involved, is that because that’s the core of the narrative, the rest of the film exists largely to take up time while the actors riff and let the script drop-kick them across the screen.
Speaking of the actors, Spade continues to manage the monumental task of existing without completely disappearing, an effect amplified by how much Lauren Lapkus is giving her all as the titular Missy. She gives a level of energy that is basically unheard-of in these movies, which would make for a welcome reprieve from the norm if her characterisation wasn’t utter dogshit. She’s basically the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme made manifest, acting every Manic Pixie Dream Girl signifier ever conceived, just without any pretence about how crazy she is. However, rather than being charmingly kooky, her dialogue makes me want to expel my stomach lining all over my laptop because it’s easier to look at.
With the plot’s setup, with Spade’s character wanting to invite his dream girl Missy to the retreat but accidentally texts the titular Missy from a particularly cringey blind date, this was going to be incredibly contrived regardless of the acting pedigree involved. You can almost smell the third-act turn-around ‘I lied, but we really were made for each other’ claptrap from a mile away. That on its own is weak enough, but when combined with how it utilises Missy’s mental health for excruciatingly manipulative ends, it really ticked me off. The intentional misinformation, using potential suicide as the reason for Spade to carry on with the charade, literal brainwashing to benefit the lead, quite a few sex scenes with dubious consent… it feels weird that I don’t give this reaction to most HM movies, but fuck right off with this bullshit.
There is all of one thing I can say was competent, let alone entertaining, and that’s a shadow dancing sequence that looked like it took more preparation and talent to execute than any other moment in the HM Netflix catalogue. But everything else about this is painful, even when grading it on the same curve I did with Hubie Halloween. I hate seeing David Spade coasting on non-genetic nepotism, I hate seeing Jackie Sander dance and sing to The Right Stuff, I hate seeing Lauren try so hard to transcend the horrific writing she’s been saddled with, I hate the non-existent plot, I hate the aggressively stupid humour, but most of all, I hate that I even gave this the time of day. I went into this knowing it was going to be bad, but somehow, I still wasn’t prepared for just how bad.
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