Jem And The Holograms (2016) - Movie Review

I’ve previously brought up the weird standards we have over here in Australia when it comes to cinematic releases, but it bears repeating in the face of something like this. Three Wise Cousins, a local production that barely qualifies as something ready for the big screen: Made it to cinemas. Mother’s Day, a film that has managed to become even more tragic in hindsight because it turned out to be the last thing the director would ever make (rest in peace, Gerry Marshall, I mean no disrespect), and no person should have something that awful be their final creative product that they give the world: Made it to cinemas. The Huntsman: Winter’s War, a made-for-VHS cash-in sequel that had no right being shown anywhere, let alone in cinemas: Nevertheless, made it to cinemas. Today’s film, based on a cheesy 80’s cartoon that my mother inexplicably had on DVD while I was growing up (and that I wound up watching on more than one occasion), never got a proper release over here despite plenty of posters, trailers and even session times posted on cinema websites. After what I’ve paid money to see over the last 12 months, is this really deserving of such treatment? Let’s plug in and find out.

90 Minutes In Heaven (2016) - Movie Review

It’s religious cinema time again! I want to point out that I am not doing this because such films are generally easy targets; sitting through God’s Not Dead 2 was anything but easy. No, I maintain that I want to see really good religious cinema come to theatres around here. One of my favourite films is Kevin Smith’s Dogma, something that affected me so deeply as to completely shape my views on theology to what they are today, and I’d give anything for someone else to be similarly affected by a recent release. The problem is, between the preachiness, toxicity and just plain banality that fills an awful lot of these kinds of releases, it doesn’t look hopeful. Not that I can guess who will be influenced by what; I’m just saying that, if there are people who sees something positive and enlightening in something like War Room, I’ll be happy for them from a very, very safe distance. So, on my quest to find a Christian film that doesn’t suck on toast, I came across this fairly recent release featuring Hayden Christensen. Well, that optimism was nice while it lasted.

Norm Of The North (2016) - Movie Review

Sometimes, it can get kind of shocking what the standards for a mainstream release are in this country. I mean, considering the crap that I’ve seen since starting this blog (and even a little bit prior to that), I would’ve thought that it was open season in terms of cinematic releases. I know that I have often said that I am more than willing to be proven wrong on certain aspects, but this certainly ain’t one of them. To help showcase this, I’ll quickly get into three relatively recent releases. The first being Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Don Jon, which only got a DVD release over here because I’m guessing that featuring footage of actual porn made some of the censors a bit squeamish. Pansies. The second being the much derided Jem And The Holograms, which I think got a proper release over here but I have found barely any evidence to suggest so. Weird, considering that that is one of those lofted trainwrecks that I was legitimately looking forward to seeing in all its badness. The third release, you may have guessed by now, is what I’m talking about today: A film officially released in the U.S. last year, but only made it to our shores on DVD in the last few weeks. Is this a Don Jon or a Keith Lemon: The Film? Ugh… I already know the answer to that one, but let’s pretend I don’t and keep going.