Bullet Train (2022) - Movie Review

Over the last few years, I’ve been riding 87North’s dick pretty damn hard. David Leitch and Chad Stahelski, ever since they gave Keanu Reeves a turbo boost with the first John Wick, have been remarkably consistent in delivering some of the most exciting action flicks in recent memory. If the term ‘elevated horror’ is allowed to be in common parlance, then what these guys do has to be called elevated action. As such, I was quite jazzed about the chance to see Leitch in the director’s chair again. But while it’s definitely fun, it seems that even he couldn’t keep up his enviable momentum forever; he had to hit a lag eventually.

The Kissing Booth 3 (2021) - Movie Review

Time to get back on the Wattpad train and round off the Netflix trilogy of teenaged rom-coms that rank up there with the roughest movie-watching experiences I can recall since this blog began. I’ve gotten well past the point of thinking that it just doesn’t work for me because I’m not in the intended demographic. These are bad movies, and while I can accept that there’s an ample market for switch-brain-off trash on streaming sites (considering the numbers this series has been doing on Netflix alongside 365 Days), nothing about this series thus far has appealed to my cult film perspective. But hey, After We Collided managed to be a reasonably enjoyable irony sit (and yes, I will be getting to that film’s sequel soon), so maybe this series will go out with an easier ride than what led up to it. Well, it kinda does, but it’s mostly the same shit with a different number on the end of it.

The Kissing Booth 2 (2020) - Movie Review

Time to make a bit of a correction by addressing a film that I probably should’ve covered earlier. And no, I’m not just talking about this film specifically; I’m talking about the original as well. The first Kissing Booth blew past my radar back in 2018, and I didn’t see much reason to cover it at the time… but with how much Wattpad is shaping up to be the driving force for the next wave of YA adaptations, and that predates After in that trend, I figured it’d help to get that into my working history of the trend. And man, is it lucky I didn’t cover it the year it came out, as it can fit snugly between Venom and Gotti on my worst films of the year list. And honestly, it’s a bit of a toss-up whether this sequel is worse.

Slender Man (2018) - Movie Review

The plot: Best friends Wren (Joey King), Hallie (Julia Goldani Telles), Chloe (Jaz Sinclair) and Katie (Annalise Basso), while searching the Internet, find a mysterious video that features images of a figure described in forums as 'The Slender Man'. A week after watching the video, Katie disappears and the other three realise that they did more than just watch a video: They actually summoned the Slender Man. As they try and find a way to get her back, the increasingly violent visions they keep seeing indicate that the Slender Man is much closer than they thought... and if they aren't careful, they could be his next victims.

Wish Upon (2017) - Movie Review

The plot: High schooler Clare (Joey King) is given a music box by her father Jonathan (Ryan Phillippe), who found it while dumpster-diving. Clare manages to translate enough of the text written on it to learn that it is no ordinary music box: It has the ability to grant a person seven wishes. As she uses this new gift to improve her life conditions, it seems that the price for her wishes is far greater than she realises, and it could spell doom for everyone she holds dear.