Wonka (2023) - Movie Review

Even for a year where filmmakers have been trying extra hard to swing for the fences, this is arguably one of the biggest ones. And honestly, if it were made by literally anyone else, any and all conversation surrounding it would be dominated by the age-old question of “Why is this a thing?”. Ignoring the previous attempt to revivify Roald Dahl’s classic story with Tim Burton’s Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (and whatever the hell that Tom & Jerry movie was supposed to do), the 1971 film is such an ingrained nostalgic classic that it’s basically untouchable. A film announcing itself as the origin story for pop culture’s most famous chocolatier, on its face, feels like a doomed idea.

But as I wrote above, it would be if it were made by anyone else. In this case, it’s the director and writers behind the Paddington movies, two little confections that defied all preconceptions on first release and have garnered (arguably) a similar untouchable status in modern cinema. They are such pure creations, full of wonder and whimsy and yet perfectly palatable, that they represent an ideal when it comes to making family films that… well, hits at my heart of hearts. That it is possible to tap into that same sense of delight that the best kinds of children’s films bestow on their audience, but as an adult, and without any of the cultural framing that one is ‘too old’ to enjoy things anymore.

The Queen's Corgi (2019) - Movie Review

Oh, nWave Pictures; welcome back, old friend. Having covered two of this studio’s previous features, and considering their 2013 effort The House Of Magic was part of my rather formative initial year at this reviewing biz, I can make a pretty solid claim that they are one of the most unnecessary animation houses working today.

At their worst, they can provide aggressively annoying nonsense meant to placate kids, and even when they find their groove, they usually only end up shining when it comes to animating chase scenes. Everything else ends up in the realm of dead-eyed plastic (or, in the case of The Wild Life, dead-eyed pottery). With all this in mind, their latest is somewhat of a surprise, as it’s definitely a lot riskier than their usual. However, chasing that risk results in one of the most horrifically misguided ‘family’ films I’ve ever watched.

Polar (2019) - Movie Review

There are many ways in which a filmmaker can screw up an action flick. Making the hero unconvincing as an action lead, making the villain unconvincing as a viable threat, making the action scenes incoherent or just plain dull to sit through, making the dialogue stringing the action together flat or threadbare, or just making the production as a whole uninteresting. In a genre built on viscera and heart-racing engagement, being boring to sit through is the worst thing an action film can be. Enter this film, which manages to one-up all of that. It’s not just boring; it’s so bafflingly constructed that it should rationally stumble into being interesting purely by accident, and yet can’t even manage to get that far.

Paddington (2014) - Movie Review

When one of the most prominent trailers for your film contains your main character licking earwax from a toothbrush, we can be forgiven for assuming the worst. Add to that that we’re dealing with a film aimed primarily at kids and we’re dealing with a high probability of running from the theatre wanting to burn everything. I have never read any of the original books, and only have marginal knowledge about the character itself; this means that I only had the very disheartening trailer to go on. This is the kind of recipe that results in clouds of thick black smoke, melted lab equipment and possibly the need for several HAZMAT suits. What does this cook up in practice? Let’s dig in and find out: This is Paddington.