After (2019) - Movie Review

In the wake of the young-adult romance powerhouse that is Twilight, it seems like cinematic standards have buckled somewhat. This isn’t me flogging the horse-shaped cloud of dust that Twilight has become in the popular consciousness; I’m talking more about the material that it inspired. Specifically, fanfiction. Now, fanfiction itself has its place in the larger fan community, and hell, I’ve even written a few stories myself about the fandoms I was in back in high school. Sure, I wrote more about girls getting fucked by sentient electric guitars and guys whose dicks exploded mid-oral, but for what it's worth, I get why fan art is a thing. I ain't proud of it, but since I'm not exactly innocent, I'm not going to cast judgement on anyone else who's done it.

But between The Mortal Instruments bringing reworked Harry Potter fanfiction to the shelves and later the multiplex, and the even bigger example of Fifty Shades Of Grey, we’ve reached the point where ‘people are reading in droves’ and ‘people have unprecedented access to home-made writing material’ have properly collided, and what is left over is a sense that just about anything can become a movie these days. Like today’s offering, a Fifty Shades-esque renaming of a One Direction fanfic that is… so fucking unnecessary that it’s maddening.

One Direction: Where We Are - The Concert Film (2014) - Movie Review

I don’t hate all boy bands; I myself have a certain affinity for 5ive (Everybody Get Up is a little too catchy for me to ignore) and even some songs by N*SYNC. That said, though, I have ears and a brain that would even scrutinize my baby brothers’ crayon drawings: I know emotional manipulation when I hear it and that is the crux of what every boy band does. They are tools of record companies to exploit feelings of Lisztomania in teenage girls (and some women… and some teenage boys, come to think of it) through songs with lyrics that are vague enough that they could apply to just about any girl listening, and yet specific enough to latch on to some minor part of said girl’s psyche due to basic probability (You drop a brick out of a plane, and it will hit something eventually). It’s almost clinically fascinating to see the effect boy bands can have on people.