Thanks to filmmakers like Michael Bay and Rob Zombie, the
words ‘classic horror film’ and ‘remake’ are nowadays associated with the burning
down of cinemas in fits of anger. Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes production
company is responsible for a large number of remakes that do little more than
castrate the icons attached to them, and Rob Zombie’s take on the Halloween
series makes my bitching about Lou from Hot Tub Time Machine 2 look minute in
comparison. Sam Raimi, the man responsible for some of the greatest cult
classics ever created with the Evil Dead trilogy, is admittedly far less guilty
of milquetoast horror than others. However, when your producer credits also include
the Boogeyman trilogy, The Possession as well as the widely unnecessary Evil
Dead remake, forgive my scepticism at this working out too well. So, how does
this film hold up to the Tobe Hooper/Steven Spielberg original?
The plot: Eric (Sam Rockwell) and Amy Bowen (Rosemarie DeWitt) and their kids Kendra (Saxon Sharbino), Griffin (Kyle Catlett) and Madison (Kennedi Clements) move into a new home, but before too long they start noticing strange occurrences inside the house. After Madison starts making contact with some ‘new friends’, it becomes clear that whatever is going on isn’t of this world.
The original Poltergeist is one of those films where its
actual entertainment merit is irrelevant in comparison to its influence on the
medium. That said, beyond basic respect, there’s a lot to like about the film:
Its atmosphere, the genuinely likeable and relatable family, the brisk pace and
its overall themes of familial bonds and conquering one’s fears. However, even
with that said, within the first few minutes of watching it for the first time
in preparation for this review, I immediately became attracted to the idea of
modernisation. I mean, the gag about the neighbours messing around with the
family’s TV seriously doesn’t make sense to me and I’m assuming that’s because
of the generational divide. That may not be enough to completely justify this
film’s existence, but it at least gives it the edge over pretty much every
other horror remake out there.
Of course, this is pretty quickly quashed because this film has a very technophobic edge to it in response; if anything, the constant use of newer technology makes it feel even more dated. It may make for some nice touches, like some of the more subtle moments where you can see devices glitching out that aren’t brought entirely into the foreground, but it ultimately makes this feel less like a remake of Poltergeist and more like a remake of a different 80’s horror film called Pulse; trust me, we need a remake of that thing like we need more Nicholas Sparks adaptations. But if that was the weakest part of the film, then this still could have been salvaged. Unfortunately, we have a pretty hefty laundry list of things to deal with here.
Of course, this is pretty quickly quashed because this film has a very technophobic edge to it in response; if anything, the constant use of newer technology makes it feel even more dated. It may make for some nice touches, like some of the more subtle moments where you can see devices glitching out that aren’t brought entirely into the foreground, but it ultimately makes this feel less like a remake of Poltergeist and more like a remake of a different 80’s horror film called Pulse; trust me, we need a remake of that thing like we need more Nicholas Sparks adaptations. But if that was the weakest part of the film, then this still could have been salvaged. Unfortunately, we have a pretty hefty laundry list of things to deal with here.
Let’s start with the characters. Sam Rockwell is the kind of
actor that never wastes a role and this is no exception, as he is a lot of fun
as the father of the clan. However, it seems like he was given the more
engaging moments at the expense of the mother, who has gone from the
horror-trend defying stoner that she was in the original into a stereotypical overbearing mother. What’s worse is that actress Rosemarie DeWitt’s only acting
method for the majority of this film is looking like there’s a really bad smell
in the same room. Madison may not be as maddeningly cute as Carol-Anne but she
is still able to hold her own alongside the others, even if she gives a very
misguided attempt at making the classic “They’re here” line sound less cheesy
and instead just sounding bored. She’s also been given the unneeded addition of
being a psychic that can contact the dead, a plot point that is never mentioned
again beyond its initial scene and eventually becomes rather stupid as the
climax draws closer.
Griffin has been made into the main character this time around, with the subplot about his fears (read: co-writer Spielberg’s fears) brought out into the main plot. Unfortunately, even though Kyle Catlett is a capable actor, they Flanderised him into being scared of everything, not to mention tacking on the “nobody believes me” writing convention which, while not lasting as long as initially feared, is still unwelcome here. I will give credit that him becoming the central character is at least written competently. The older sister Kendra, originally my favourite character because of how she seemed to have the most realistic reaction to everything going on, has been turned into a modern-day valley girl. Yeah, it shows a lot more prominently in some scenes than others and they thankfully kept her love for her family intact, but it should pretty damn obvious that the film would have been greatly improved without this form of modernisation.
Griffin has been made into the main character this time around, with the subplot about his fears (read: co-writer Spielberg’s fears) brought out into the main plot. Unfortunately, even though Kyle Catlett is a capable actor, they Flanderised him into being scared of everything, not to mention tacking on the “nobody believes me” writing convention which, while not lasting as long as initially feared, is still unwelcome here. I will give credit that him becoming the central character is at least written competently. The older sister Kendra, originally my favourite character because of how she seemed to have the most realistic reaction to everything going on, has been turned into a modern-day valley girl. Yeah, it shows a lot more prominently in some scenes than others and they thankfully kept her love for her family intact, but it should pretty damn obvious that the film would have been greatly improved without this form of modernisation.
But by far, the most drastic change and effectively the
worst overall is that of the psychic medium. Through her ethereal yet
comforting voice and presence on screen, Zelda Rubenstein became iconic in her
role as Tangina in the original. Here, we have Jared Harris as Carrigan, a
paranormal activity reality show host.
…
There aren’t enough Cartmans in the world to properly
explain how lame this change-up is and it gets even worse as Carrigan's role in the film becomes bigger. *SPOILERS*
He ends up saving the day in the end and stops the ghosts. With this
alteration, the film’s attempts at keeping the original essence of the strength
of familial love are eviscerated as it is now just about them needing to be
saved by an outsider, and a hack outsider at that. Of all the things a remake
of Poltergeist could have made useful, a Derek Acorah stand-in most certainly
is not one of them.
Beyond the character re-workings, the film is largely an
extremely uneven combination of decent attempts at keeping fresh and hokey
failures at being scary on its own merits. The famous clown doll and tree
outside the son’s bedroom, because of Griffin being made into a complete wimp,
have no atmosphere surrounding them; I mean, it’s hard to take things seriously
when Griffin is getting scared out his wits by leaves brushing on the skylight
of his bedroom, as opposed to the genuinely creepy-looking tree from before.
They also felt the need to multiply how many clowns are in the kid’s bedroom,
as well as going a bit too far with the main clown doll. While the original was
creepy but at least in that way that could still realistically be sold for
kids, the one we have here looks like it was made solely to be frightening and
that’s because it was. Not only that, it puts a damper on one of the original’s
strongest scenes, as the clown reveal is easily one of the best executed jump
scares in the history of the medium; here, it’s just loud, telegraphed and
devoid of any tension.
Actually, speaking of jump scares, the overall scares here
are minimal at best. The filmmakers admittedly come up with some decent set-ups
for genuine chills, like the surprisingly well-done re-working of the scene
where the daughter gets pulled into the closet, but then they don’t know what
to do with them and just resort to cheap jumps to get audiences to react. The
fact that a lot of said jumps are caused by that bullshit cliché of the family
members doing it by accident and the score doing most of the work for them just
makes it worse. Of course, that closet scene already had problems with the
rather goofy looking effect of light leaving the light bulbs in the room and
floating into the closet; the effect work in the original may be a bit silly,
but even they don’t hold a candle to this. With that said though, the final effect
for the closet was seriously gorgeous in the original, looking like a giant
throat ready to swallow the family whole; by comparison, we get a generic
vortex that looks like a throw-away from any bog standard disaster movie.
We also get a massive downgrade on the effect of when the daughter is trapped on the other side and has to be rescued, in that we actually see where she is. Sure, the effects work is decent and the atmosphere is actually pretty tense, given that it thankfully avoids any egregious jump scares, but the old rule of 'fear of the unknown' still applies: What we don’t see is a lot scarier than what we do. It also makes for the most shoe-horned in use of found footage I’ve seen yet with a camera attached to an RC drone used to scout out the other side before Griffin goes in. Tying the rope around his waist too wouldn’t have hurt either, morons.
We also get a massive downgrade on the effect of when the daughter is trapped on the other side and has to be rescued, in that we actually see where she is. Sure, the effects work is decent and the atmosphere is actually pretty tense, given that it thankfully avoids any egregious jump scares, but the old rule of 'fear of the unknown' still applies: What we don’t see is a lot scarier than what we do. It also makes for the most shoe-horned in use of found footage I’ve seen yet with a camera attached to an RC drone used to scout out the other side before Griffin goes in. Tying the rope around his waist too wouldn’t have hurt either, morons.
All in all, it tries so hard to pay tribute to the original
while still updating it for newer audiences, and to its credit it succeeds on a
couple of occasions; hell, I’d even go so far as to say that the effects work
is superior to the original’s for the
most part like with the hands on the other side of the TV reaching out for
Madison. However, between haphazard attempts at character re-working that leave
some characters with either too much or too little to do, weak jump scares that
fail to deliver anything other than surface tension despite some nicely crafted
set-ups and the writing that feels even more dated and clichéd than its source
material, this lacks too heart and atmosphere to even warrant existing.
On its own, it really only comes out as an okay film, but as a retelling of one of the cornerstones of the genre, that simply isn’t good enough. It’s nowhere near as sacrilegious as a lot of other horror remakes out there, but it doesn’t do too much to honour the original either. I know that I’ve mainly focused on comparisons here, but then again there is a reason why my rating system is the way it is: What movie would you rather watch and is it even worth seeing at all? Would you rather fork out the money to see this movie once at the cinema and leave unfulfilled, or buy the DVD of the original and have something you would want to watch more than once?
On its own, it really only comes out as an okay film, but as a retelling of one of the cornerstones of the genre, that simply isn’t good enough. It’s nowhere near as sacrilegious as a lot of other horror remakes out there, but it doesn’t do too much to honour the original either. I know that I’ve mainly focused on comparisons here, but then again there is a reason why my rating system is the way it is: What movie would you rather watch and is it even worth seeing at all? Would you rather fork out the money to see this movie once at the cinema and leave unfulfilled, or buy the DVD of the original and have something you would want to watch more than once?
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