A bad movie is one thing, but a movie that makes me feel bad
that it actually engaged me at all is something else. Yeah, cutting straight to
the point with this one, as it’s been a while since I’ve had thoroughly bad
news to report back with in a review.
But it goes beyond just that level of familiarity;
hell, it goes beyond the entire ‘torture porn’ canon that this thing keeps
cribbing from. This thing is so bleeding derivative of other, better
media that it stops even feeling like its own product and starts to echo its
social media ribbings in a likely-unintentional way: Following the trends
without any added thought behind it, because it’s apparently what followers
want.
Ignoring the rather placid beginnings, to the point where
the entire first act feels pointless already, the closest this has to its own
idea is poking at social media influencers, the connection they have to their
audiences, and the attempts to blur real life and streamed life. Shame that the
lead somehow has less personality than either Paul brother, as does
every other ‘character’ who have basically two modes: Obnoxious and scared. No
development, no interesting interplay between them, not even a strong-enough
connection to the whole social media aspect; they’re just… there.
Between the puzzle-solving of Saw (and by extension Escape
Room), the ARG trappings of Nerve and David Fincher’s The Game, and an ending
that is basically ripped right out of an episode of Futurama of all bloody
places, this thing gets really damn annoying in just how transparently
unoriginal it is, and that goes for the narrative itself as well. It basically
goes from a plainly-dodgy escape room set-up right into Hostel by way of
clipping.’s The Show, only the presentation is so awkward that it basically
telegraphs what is actually going on. Not necessarily the ending, but the
process of getting there nonetheless. It doesn’t help that said ending is one
that banks on caring about the characters involved to be effective, something
the Rothian characterisation makes practically impossible.
And yet, I still found my heart rate spiking at the expected
moments. The pacing is relatively brisk, there’s at least some effort
made to put us in the shoes of the main character (which is admittedly part of
the telegraphing problem, but I digress), and as much as I joke about Keegan
Allen’s presence in the lead, watching him get progressively more and more
freaked out at what’s going on has the desired effect. But honestly, that just
annoys me even more. My instincts pretty much bought this hook, line, and
sinker, while my head stayed in a perpetual state of unimpressed for the entire
running time.
Under normal circumstances, I’d show a touch of mercy
because it did indeed get to me in a small way. But considering this is the
first horror film I’ve watched on the big screen since the cinemas re-opened,
chances are just about anything would’ve dug into my skin after all this time. Nothing
else here, from the acting to the irritating presentation to the mish-mash of
influences, adds up to something genuinely entertaining or even tolerable to
sit through.
Between writer/director Will Wernick’s previous film
literally being called Escape Room (not the one I reviewed before), co-star
Holland Roden slated to be in Escape Room 2 (not a sequel to Wernick’s film,
but of the film I reviewed before… confused yet?), and The Grudge from earlier
this year dipping into adjacent horror trends from two decades ago, it seems
like 00’s nostalgia has officially landed. Let’s just hope that what comes next
is less of a headache than this shit, because as bad as things are right now,
there are still some aspects of the past that aren’t worth reliving.
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