Paws Of Fury: The Legend Of Hank (2022) - Movie Review

Ever hear the argument that political correctness has gone so screwy that you couldn’t make a Mel Brooks movie today? Well, outside of how much of a chode point-of-view that is to begin (and how the existence of films like Jojo Rabbit pretty much defeat that line of reasoning), it is at least partially correct in this film’s case. Originally titled Blazing Samurai, this loose remake of Brooks’ Blazing Saddles (to the point where all five of Saddles’ co-writers are credited on this) has been in numerous states of production and release limbo for several years. And we’re not just talking about the COVID shuffle either; this thing has been batting around since 2010.

Considering my lengthy history with sub-par animated films starring talking animals, and how much I respect Brooks’ work on the original, I’ll admit that I wasn’t all that enthused about this film even in its early stages with that crack of sumo cat teaser poster. It finally seeing release after spending so long percolating must have been a massive relief for all parties involved, and I certainly get that (any film that makes it all the way from conception to public release is nothing short of a miracle if you know anything about the industry), but how does that translate into the viewing experience? Well… it’s kinda complicated.

Show Dogs (2018) - Movie Review

The plot: Hardened police dog Max (Ludacris) is on assignment at a dog show to track down a missing panda bear and shut down an animal-smuggling ring operating out of the show. While on the scene with bumbling FBI agent Frank (Will Arnett), he will have to win the show if he's to have any chance at finding the panda. Good thing he has a host of other talking animals to help him on his mission, and oh dear God, you have no idea how bad this all is.

Coco (2017) - Movie Review

The plot: Miguel (Anthony Gonzalez) wants to become a famous musician like his hero Ernesto de la Cruz (Benjamin Bratt), something made difficult by how Miguel’s family have expressly forbidden any of them getting involved in music. However, when Miguel finds himself in the Land Of The Dead on the night of Dia de los Muertos, his struggle between his dreams and his family is about to get even more complicated as he discovers that he and Ernesto might have a lot more in common than he first thought.

Ferdinand (2017) - Movie Review

The plot: Fighting bull Ferdinand (John Cena) does not want to fight. Having escaped the ranch Casa Del Toro as a calf, and growing up on Nina (Lily Day) and Juan (Juanes)’s flower farm, he would much rather spend his days smelling the roses. However, when a day out on the town goes wrong and he finds himself back at the Casa Del Toro, he is forced to confront what society has deemed as his only purpose. As the calming goat Lupe (Kate McKinnon) and the other bulls Valiente (Bobby Cannavale), Bones (Anthony Anderson), Guapo (Peyton Manning), Machina (Tim Nordquist) and Angus (David Tennant) question why a bull wouldn’t want to fight a matador, Ferdinand plans to escape and, hopefully, spare himself and the others from a terrible fate.

 

The Star (2017) - Movie Review

The plot: Grain mill donkey Bo (Steven Yeun) dreams of being part of the royal caravan in Jerusalem. However, once he notices a particularly bright star in the sky, he realizes that something special is about to happen. With Dave the dove (Keegan-Michael Key) and Ruth the sheep (Aidy Bryant) in tow, he sets out to find Mary (Gina Rodriguez) and Joseph (Zachary Levi), who are about to be parents to the saviour of all humanity.

Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) - Movie Review

I probably have the worst first impression of the Smurfs possible, as my first full-length encounter with them was through the 2011 film. Directed by the numbnuts that gave us the ever-popular comedic classic Beverly Hills Chihuahua, the live-action Smurfs film is easily one of the hardest films I’ve ever sat through. Thankfully, it didn’t fall into my purview for reviews, because I’m fairly certain it would’ve just been “fuck this movie” repeated 300-some times. I completely skipped the sequel, wanting to keep what little sanity I have left, and then the trailers for today’s film hit… and you cannot possibly imagine how much relief washed over me when I saw that this was not only a full CGI production but that it was a reboot of the series.

 

Going against what most would consider common sense, those two prospects combined with the phenomenally low bar the Raja Gosnell films set for the IP actually made me hopeful that this would be good. Given how this is the year that has audience expectations in a 24-hour shooting gallery, I can only hope that my optimism isn’t proven worthless.

Magic Mike XXL (2015) - Movie Review

Every so often, a film comes along that makes me go “Please, for the love of all that is good in this world, do not screw this up.” And it seems that it’s about that time again. I have been seriously looking forward to this film and, no, it isn’t for the obvious sweaty reasons: I love Steven Soderbergh. To me, he is just about the most versatile filmmaker out there, being able to weave in and out of genres with surprising ease. Not only that, he is able to take very awkward premises and scripts and turn them into films capable of besting whatever else is out at that time.

Probably the best example of these traits would be 2012’s Magic Mike, a film about male strippers that had a lot of heart and intelligence behind it. Yeah, I may have been like everyone else at the time and left it alone because… well, beefcake wasn’t exactly my thing at the time, but after seeing Soderbergh turn the very unsettling story of Liberace and his relationships into the disarmingly warm Behind The Candelabra, I gave it a chance and found a lot to like about it. So, when I heard that there was going to be a sequel made of it, I was all for it. Then the news hit that Soderbergh was going to take a sabbatical from feature filmmaking, meaning that he wouldn’t be directing this one. Then the trailers and extremely cheesy poster came out for the film. I want a film about interesting characters and smart dialogue that just happens to centre on male strippers, and all I’m seeing so far is nothing but more grinding than a skateboarding MMO. Time to see if I get proven wrong, in one of a growing list of situations where I would gladly accept being so.

The Book Of Life (2015) - Movie Review

Guillermo del Toro will always have a spot on my list of favourite filmmakers: Between his equal mastery over artistic ventures like Pan’s Labyrinth and Cronos as well as more popular works like the Hellboy movies and Pacific Rim and his flexibility past the world of cinema with his Strain trilogy of novels and his upcoming team-up with Hideo Kojima on the latest Silent Hill game [2018 Update: Thanks for screwing that one up, Konami], I’d classify him as one of the few creative minds out there that legitimately has something for everyone. It may seem odd that I start this review out like this, since del Toro only produced this, but the man’s influence is such that it can be felt when he’s attached to films in less than obvious roles: Serving as a consultant on Kung Fu Panda 2, Cowboys & Aliens as well as the great cinematic roadblock that is Edge Of Tomorrow, and even though he isn’t directly credited for consultation on films like Puss In Boots and Rise Of The Guardians, there’s definitely some traces of his sense of imagination to be found in all of it. So, with his name pretty much synonymous with quality regardless of his role (Unless we’re talking While She Was Out or last year’s dismal Battle Of The Five Armies), how does this film pan out?