The Kid Who Would Be King (2019) - Movie Review

Mythology is a funny thing.  The stories that get passed down through the generations, and the heroes and villains that occupy them, almost seem to buck against what we believe to be “truth”. The facticity of folklore has and will likely be argued for as long as we ourselves exist, but the effect that those tales can have on the human consciousness is very much factual. Tales like that of King Arthur, a British ruler and general whose echoed exploits have formed a hefty amount of British culture, not to mention providing the creative arts with some of its most instantly recognisable imagery.

But here's where things get a little trickier when it comes to tales of legend: Not everyone is going to view the legend through the same lens. Where some see Arthur as one in a collection of stories about heroes rising up against a great evil, others see Arthur as an example of nepotism at its worst. The idea that the land can only be ruled by someone who is destined to do so, chosen by otherworldly forces due to their lineage, their culture… their race. And in over the last handful of years, that very idea of only the chosen people being worthy of leading the populace has lead Great Britain down some less-than-ideal roads. And with this latest iteration of the story of Excalibur and its one true wielder, that is brought into the foreground.

Aquaman (2018) - Movie Review

 

For several decades, Aquaman has been the laughing stock of DC’s core group of superheroes. Try as creatives like Paul Dini and Bruce Timm tried to rescue him from his ‘underwater Doctor Dolittle’ perception, his depiction in the Superfriends Show has remained his rather undignified persona in the popular consciousness. In a stable of characters that include Space Jesus, World’s Smartest Emo and Bondage Princess, Aquaman remained the one that was the hardest to take seriously. Of all the characters that have been itching for a big-budget blockbuster about them, the king of the oceans is the one who could benefit most from some cinematic re-examination. And with a story credit from Geoff Johns, a comic book writer who has seen tremendous success in reinventing large swathes of the DC universe, it looks like his chance to shine has finally arrived.

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017) - Movie Review

Of all the cash cows for critics of bad films, no franchise can compete with the lumbering juggernaut that is Michael Bay’s Transformers series. From the rampant idiocy on display throughout to the frequent moments of sexist, racist and otherwise crappy behaviour in the characters, right down to his widely-lampooned visual overload style of direction, Bay has been a walking target for at least a decade by this point. And finally, after showing sympathy for the guy’s more recent efforts as director and even producer, I have an excuse to get involved in this whole mess myself.

 

To date, I have seen all the previous Transformers flicks in the cinema, and I can hardly recall a series with so many immediately and hilariously terrible moments as Bay’s ode to the adolescent boy in us all. And apparently, judging by initial press reactions, this seems to be the worst entry yet. How in the hell is that possible? Let’s dive right in and discover the extremely depressing answer.

King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword (2017) - Movie Review

While a lot of the music-loving world still adheres to the idea that Yoko Ono cost us one of the greatest bands to ever touch an instrument, I subscribe to a similar but far less recognised notion. Namely, that Madonna cost the art of cinema one of its potential legendary filmmakers. Guy Ritchie, as has been discussed on this blog before, was responsible for one of my all-time favourite films with Snatch. After that feature, and hooking up with Madonna, Ritchie took one of the biggest stumbles of any filmmaker still working today.

 

Between the star-vehicle-cum-wrong-headed remake of an Italian classic with Swept Away, to the equally wrong-headed attempt to merge Ritchie’s British crime sensibilities with the teachings of Kabbalah with Revolver, the man found prominence in Hollywood from then on but he never managed to recapture that flame he once had. However, even considering the story we have today, it seems that he has indeed gotten back to his roots… in the single weirdest way possible. Let’s get started with today’s film and I’ll explain how.