Friday 23 December 2022

The Curse Of Bridge Hollow (2022) - Movie Review


Okay, I’ll be honest, my brain still feels cooked after looking at Neptune Frost, so I’m going for something a bit simpler to digest here. As per usual, I’m going by the names attached to this thing first and foremost, and this has got some doozies. Director Jeff Wadlow, who is to horror what a Big Mac is to a toilet seat, and star Marlon Wayons, who seems to be gunning for Tyler Perry’s thronemade of human shame. Add to that writer Todd Berger, whose work on The Happytime Murders had its moments that were ultimately let-down by the basic-bitch approach to its core genre, and I’ll admit that I’m not expecting great things from this. But let it be said I genuinely checked this out in good faith, as I have a lot of space in my heart for film creatives being able to redeem themselves for past failures; I am nothing if not hopeful. And while I can’t say that this isn’t quite that good, it’s still a hell of a lot better than I was anticipating.

The plot is basically the same as Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween, with a bunch of Halloween decorations coming to life and terrorising people. But even though I wasn’t really a fan of how that film turned out, I genuinely think this did a better job with that same idea. While the designs they went with are quite basic, like skeletons and witches and zombies and such, credit to the effects department for at least having them make sense as sentient decorations. The design for the Big Bad of the film, Stingy Jack, is simple in that he’s a standard Jack O’Lantern monster, but the realisation for it works for this kind of PG-13 horror flick. Bonus points for the use of spiders, as I honestly got quite a kick out of the idea of a bunch of tiny plastic spiders coming to life, knowing how much they seem to get under other people’s skins. I mean, I live in Australia; spiders might as well be paying rent around here.

As for what Marlon brings to the table, he’s probably the most likeable he’s been in a long-ass time in a lead role as science teacher Howard… and that’s a hell of an indictment on his past roles, because he is really bloody annoying here. He’s playing the resident buzzkill for the season, the one who keeps trying to find rational and scientific explanations for the clearly-paranormal shit going on, to the point where he spends a lot of the film engaging in actual mansplaining on the subject. To make matters worse, when he gets around to giving his big backstory for why he’s acting this way, not only is it some of the weeniest shit I’ve ever heard, it still doesn’t do anything to explain why he chooses to be such a douche around people trying to have fun during Halloween.

But before I get too harsh on the guy, I still maintain that he is likeable after a while, as he does end up coming around on the whole thing eventually. Admittedly, it happens way too late in the film to balance out the irritation factor, but seeing him take on a whole team of skeleton football players was pretty cool. I don’t even mind that the film felt the need to pat itself on the back on how cool that scene was, because it actually earned it.

There’s also how his place in the narrative works when put next to Stingy Jack, as they both represent the two extremes when it comes to Halloween. Howard is the killjoy who doesn’t want anyone else to have fun, just because he personally doesn’t, while Jack wants it to be Halloween all year round, whether people like it or not. It doesn’t have the same kick to it as Hubie Halloween’s take on the tradition, but it works well enough to fill in the gaps. Well, that and Howard isn’t necessarily the main character here, with his daughter Sydney (Priah Ferguson), who actually does enjoy Halloween, taking the spotlight for most of it.

I should also mention that the comedy here, while definitely neutered as such things go, isn’t half-bad either. Some of the gags hit an odd note, like the running joke about Emily (Kelly Rowland) and her gluten-free vegan baking recipes, or the attempts at including references to COVID in this, for reasons that will likely confound me to the grave. But for the most part, yeah, it’s totally fine. Rob Riggle is fun as Howard’s next-door neighbour Sully (and those re-purposed coffins are genuinely good ideas for Halloween), Lauren Lapkus as the town mayor gets some decent chuckles in, and John Michael Higgins as the principal… well, I don’t entirely get with the angle the film boxes his character into, but I’ll admit it, that bit where he shows what his idea of Halloween treats is got me laughing.

So… yeah. This is pretty good. It’s not great, as it’s still pretty lightweight material for a Halloween comedy, and the way Howard’s character was handled could definitely have gone through a few more rewrites, but at least it’s fully aware of what it is and doesn’t mess around. Marlon Wayans actually got some decent laughs here, and was even the centre for what is probably the film’s best moment (and not from process-of-elimination either), while Jeff Wadlow actually delivered with a film that didn’t make me feel like I wasted my time watching it; it’s not much, but it’s an appreciated step-up from what I’ve come to associate from both of them.

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