The Curse Of Bridge Hollow (2022) - Movie Review

Okay, I’ll be honest, my brain still feels cooked after looking at Neptune Frost, so I’m going for something a bit simpler to digest here. As per usual, I’m going by the names attached to this thing first and foremost, and this has got some doozies. Director Jeff Wadlow, who is to horror what a Big Mac is to a toilet seat, and star Marlon Wayons, who seems to be gunning for Tyler Perry’s thronemade of human shame. Add to that writer Todd Berger, whose work on The Happytime Murders had its moments that were ultimately let-down by the basic-bitch approach to its core genre, and I’ll admit that I’m not expecting great things from this. But let it be said I genuinely checked this out in good faith, as I have a lot of space in my heart for film creatives being able to redeem themselves for past failures; I am nothing if not hopeful. And while I can’t say that this isn’t quite that good, it’s still a hell of a lot better than I was anticipating.

Sextuplets (2019) - Movie Review

Why this premise still a thing that people think is a good idea? A comedic actor reaches a certain level of notoriety that, in order to make bank on their presence on-screen, someone decides that the best way to go is to make more of the actor to spread around, i.e. double-casting. It’s essentially the textbook example of ‘too much of a good thing’, and what makes it worse is that it is rarely if ever implemented by comedians who are tolerable all on their own, let alone in multitudes.

Eddie Murphy did it with the Nutty Professor movies (first one was alright, but c'mon, The Klumps was pretty dire stuff), Adam Sandler infamously tried it in Jack & Jill, and the whole enterprise has become such a cliché that it even made for one of Tropic Thunder’s gag trailers. It’s an idea that shouldn’t exist in a modern release to begin with, so you can imagine how well it turns out in the hands of perennial shite script magnet Marlon Wayans.

Naked (2017) - Movie Review

With December fast approaching, I can already feel my brain preparing itself for the ensuing marathon of reviews. Of course, with the increase in aptitude to see films, there’s also an increased willingness to subject myself to... less-than-ideal releases. The kind of films that people would usually come across in passing and never think of again, either because they’re too dull, too stupid, or just too bad in general. It’s the same mindset that led me to reviewing Fifty Shades Of Black last year, a film as useless as it is a failure at what should be the easiest job in the world: Taking the piss out of the works of E. L. James. And now, it seems that Marlon Wayons and Michael Tiddes are back it again with a Netflix-exclusive release… and somehow, it has an even lower approval rating than Fifty Shades; either version. We’re dealing with another addition to The 0% Club today, so strap yourselves in for what will most likely be a complete disaster.

Fifty Shades Of Black (2016) - Movie Review

Since starting my month-long movie marathon, have to admit, the results have been a lot more positive than I was expecting. Sure, not all of them have good but, at worst, we’ve only really touched the realms of lame instead of outright bad. Well, time to change all that. I’ve talking before about watching movies as a form of emotional therapy, and as masochistic as it is, that involves bad movies as well. If there is one thing that cinema has taught me when it comes to the emotional condition of humanity, it’s that even anger has its place in the output. As such, it’s time for me to delve into Fifty Shades territory again, which once again means that I’ll discuss indulging in painful acts under my own volition, as well as revisiting the spoof movie. Let the airing of grievances begin! This is Fifty Shades Of Black… ugh, even the title of this thing makes me cringe.