Ashens And The Polybius Heist (2020) - Movie Review

A few years ago, I made it a thing where I’d take time out in April to highlight my critical influences, namely YouTubers I obsessed over in my teens that got me interested in the work that I have spent the last six years populating this blog with. In lieu of a long-winded and likely painful detailing of why I don’t do that around here anymore (and from the looks of things never will again), let’s just say that I don’t have the same raging fanboy adoration for my influences that I used to have, and I try and stay away from discussing them here as best I can. But in all honesty, I’m willing to dip into that pool once again to discuss a YouTuber movie that is a nice breath of fresh air from the norm.

Holmes And Watson (2018) - Movie Review

Supreme confidence + extreme incompetence. This relatively simple formula is in the DNA of an awful lot of comedy, where the humour is generated from characters who think they are far smarter than they actually are. It’s a form of stylistic hubris that many comedians owe the bulk of their legacies to, including the fabled pairing of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. However, while this is an equation that has yielded much success in the past, it’s also potentially tricky in the same way that most intentionally dumb comedies are: There has to be a distinction being a film that knows how stupid it is, and a film that is just plain stupid. Because much like the characters that bank on this style, there are few things more laughable than people with disproportionate egos. Except, of course, when the filmmakers themselves seem to share that trait.

Jesus, Bro! (2017) - Movie Review

In the year of some people’s Lord 2014, something happened. A film by the name of God’s Not Dead was released by PureFlix Entertainment. After seeing the rather intense reactions to it online, I checked it out for myself. I didn’t like it. At all. Here’s my review on just how much wrong is contained within. Ordinarily, that would be the end of it: It’s a bad movie, something we get a lot of year-in and year-out. However, this was decidedly different because God’s Not Dead apparently stuck such a chord with both its defenders and its detractors that it spawned, as put aptly by critic and filmmaker Brad Jones, “a golden age of a different kind of exploitation film”.

 

Over the next three years, a slew of similar Christian-oriented cinema began to spring up, from the hardcore apologetics of Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas to the seemingly unaware sexism of War Room right down to the furthering of dangerous narrative of God’s Not Dead 2. Brad himself has covered several of these films on video, either in character as the Cinema Snob or just giving his immediate post-watching thoughts for his Midnight Screenings series. However, it seems that his interest in the subject still can’t be sated so he went all-out and made a feature-length production to mock the hell out of this sub-genre. But how did it turn out?

Fifty Shades Of Black (2016) - Movie Review

Since starting my month-long movie marathon, have to admit, the results have been a lot more positive than I was expecting. Sure, not all of them have good but, at worst, we’ve only really touched the realms of lame instead of outright bad. Well, time to change all that. I’ve talking before about watching movies as a form of emotional therapy, and as masochistic as it is, that involves bad movies as well. If there is one thing that cinema has taught me when it comes to the emotional condition of humanity, it’s that even anger has its place in the output. As such, it’s time for me to delve into Fifty Shades territory again, which once again means that I’ll discuss indulging in painful acts under my own volition, as well as revisiting the spoof movie. Let the airing of grievances begin! This is Fifty Shades Of Black… ugh, even the title of this thing makes me cringe.

This Giant Papier Mache Boulder Is Actually Really Heavy (2016) - Movie Review

Sci-fi is a genre with a long and proud history of being enjoyed by losers stuck in their parents’ basements. As such, it has also garnered a certain mockable reputation that, in recent years, has begun to recede into just being another aspect of human life. For all the hate I have for The Big Bang Theory, it is regrettably part of that assimilation process so I have one thing to be thankful to it for. While my brain tries to process me giving that piece of crap any credit, I will conceit that all of this acceptance doesn’t change one simple fact: Sci-fi is also incredibly goofy, even on a good day. As a result, riffing on films within that spectrum is probably the easiest of any genre; hell, the entire idea of riffing came about thanks to the kitschier titles of the 50’s and 60’s. Now, making fun of silly science fiction is all well and good, but then we get into feature-length spoof movies… and now the fear has set in. I say that because the spoof movie died a rather loud and obnoxious death a while back thanks to chuckleheads like Friedberg & Seltzer; people rarely make them anymore, and the few we do see are outright garbage. So, will this micro-budgeted New Zealand effort break the chain?

Superfast (& Superfurious) (2015) - Movie Review

It is a common thesis that the collective idea of Hell that is eternal flames may not be the case. More likely, we all craft our realms of Hell based on that which we most despise. Well, if that does end up being the case when I ultimately shift this mortal coil, I and all other devotees of cinema will be stuck in a cramped and humid theatre forever watching the ceaseless torment that is the complete works of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Otherwise known as the infamous duo behind the ____ Movies (Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, etc.), these are often in the discussion for the worst filmmakers of all time and with very good reason. Their own special brand of ‘parody’ consists of time capsule pop culture references that make sure that they become outdated even as they are being filmed, as well as teenage pandering with M-rated fanservice and low-brow gags. Actually, I take that last one back, because referring to these hacks as being “low-brow” would diminish the work of people like Trey Parker and Matt Stone who make low-brow jokes that are actually fucking funny! Good God, I am looking forward to this like the prospect of actually going to Hell, only without the sense of theological confirmation that would come with it. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.