Most people get their friends together to watch movies. Brad
Jones is the guy who gets his friends together to make them, and to his credit,
it usually results in product that is watchable outside of his inner circle.
With as equal a love for the glory days of exploitation cinema as he does all
things 70’s, his homebrew style of filmmaking may not be the most technically
polished stuff around but the real-life comradery between him and those around
him can be reasonably relied on for something fun. And his latest, Disco, is no
exception.
In the year of some people’s Lord 2014, something happened. A
film by the name of God’s Not Dead was released by PureFlix Entertainment.
After seeing the rather intense reactions to it online, I checked it out for
myself. I didn’t like it. At all. Here’s my review on just how much wrong is contained within. Ordinarily, that would be the end of it: It’s a bad movie,
something we get a lot of year-in and year-out. However, this was decidedly
different because God’s Not Dead apparently stuck such a chord with both its
defenders and its detractors that it spawned, as put aptly by critic and
filmmaker Brad Jones, “a golden age of a different kind of exploitation film”.
Over the next three years, a slew of similar Christian-oriented cinema began to
spring up, from the hardcore apologetics of Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas to
the seemingly unaware sexism of War Room right down to the furthering of
dangerous narrative of God’s Not Dead 2. Brad himself has covered several of
these films on video, either in character as the Cinema Snob or just
giving his immediate post-watching thoughts for his Midnight Screenings series.
However, it seems that his interest in the subject still can’t be sated so he
went all-out and made a feature-length production to mock the hell out of this
sub-genre. But how did it turn out?
Well, after my major spleen venting from last time (which was
met by alarmingly warm reception, might I add?), I feel a certain need to
reiterate the main point of me doing all this in the first place. As much as
this makes me come across as a rather hopeless fan-boy (which is kind of true),
these people do mean a great deal to me both in terms of entertainment and
broadening my own personal perspective on a number of things and none more so
than the Nostalgia Critic. Hell, if I had any belief in it, I could almost
carry this off as a tribute to his Avatar Episodes lists and twist it into me
just trying to ensure balance. But really, it’s just a means for me to air out
some dirty laundry I’ve been holding onto for a little too long. We’re not here
to talk about all that again, though, as this time around I’m counting my picks
for the Top 20 best episodes of the Nostalgia Critic.
#20: Demolition Man
It’s rare that a film becomes more timely after its initial release,
especially when it's an action film soaked in 90’s tropes and starring
Sylvester Stallone. Where Spoony’s review of the game got me interested in the
film initially, this definitely cemented it for me as the Critic’s jabs at how
the over-sanitized future depicted in the film is like some sort of Tumblrite
utopia… and right now, I’m just wondering why the hell the word ‘Tumblrite’
doesn’t come up on my spell check. Maybe that future really is more prevalent now than we first
thought.
#19: Harry Potter And
The Deathly Hallows Launch
An initial showing of Doug’s more lenient sensibilities on
media fandom, this video plays out a bit like a geek version of Mardi
Gras. Yeah, it’s over-the-top and most people certainly won’t comprehend a lot
of it, but the infectious sense of joy that floods these sorts of events are so
potent that, if you’re in the area, you’ll feel compelled to join in
regardless. Such is the case with the Critic, who spends some time poking fun
at the fans, but then ends up joining them as the launch clock keeps ticking
down.
#18: Felix The Cat:
The Movie
Even considering he did a whole video devoted the biggest
nostalgic mindfucks (a video that introduced me to the insane brilliance of
animator Cyriak), this would have to be the most insane film he’s looked at so
far. All the noise, all the character clutter, all the painful colour choices;
it just plain hurts to think about, let alone watch. As such, the Critic goes
into full crackdown mode as he breaks down just how much of the film doesn’t
work and its use of tropes concerning filmmaking for children that, quite
frankly, need to stop before we get any more kids schlock like this and Home. Also, “I want you to make
him look like he’s dry-humping a trash can.”
#17: The Haunting
A subversion of the Critic’s semi-regular comparison series
Old Vs. New, he forgoes the traditional format of breaking the individual
elements of each iteration of the story and instead strictly points out how
much the remake pulled a Zeno’s arrow in how badly it missed the mark. Sure, he
gives credit to some decent casting decisions, and his over-the-top lauding
over Catherine Zeta-Jones is still hilarious, but I think it’s the Critic’s
comments about the depiction of gay and lesbian characters in fiction that
really strike a chord with me. Mainly because, even though he’s directly
talking about how the 90’s treated them, we’re still using the same writing
styles even today; more’s the pity.
#16: Let’s Play
Bart’s Nightmare
Yeah, bet you weren’t expecting this one. And no, I’m not
trolling; I genuinely love this video. Ignoring the hideous backlash that came
as a result of this infamous little number, the core joke that Doug was going
for with this video about how Let’s Plays aren’t as easy as the layman may
think actually works here. It comes across more like the Critic as a character
is in over his head more than Doug as a person and, after the rage has died
down, it’s easy enough to get that from his performance. That, and it’s some
good reaction porn with how he just raves like a manic chimpanzee at the game
itself.
#15: Mamma Mia!
Far better than I have ever been able to articulate it
before (despite my best efforts), this review manages to pin down just
about everything wrong with the prototypical ‘chick flick’. He even gets down
to brass tacks when it comes to the issue of the comedy part of the
romantic-comedy, leading to a point that I seriously wish was referred to more
often as it’s an issue that never ceases to irk general movie-goers.
#14: Conquest Of The
Commercials
I should really hate this video for making sure that that
bloody “Zestfully Clean” jingle never
leaves my head, but as usual his picks for nostalgic commercials to look at is
top-notch. However, what makes this higher up than the other commercial
specials is the inclusion of a certain famous animator that Doug has discussed
at length before. Not spoiling anything for those who haven’t seen it, but who
knew such a legend could have a stare that can burn through sheet metal.
#13: We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story
Much like Sage’s review of Twilight Of The Cockroaches, this
review might be affected by how well
you know the material it’s referencing, this time with Doug doing it in
character as Raoul Puke, a parody of the similarly-named main character from
Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas. Also like with Sage’s Critic routine, this
video still works without being familiar with the character source; once again,
this was my first encounter with anything to do with the film and not only did
it not bother me, it sold me on what is now one of my all-time favourite films.
#12: Titanic: The
Animated Movie
Easily one of the most consistently funny of the show’s run,
both past and present, the Critic had a lot of good material gift-wrapped for
him with this unfathomably sugar-coated depiction of one of the most infamous
sea disasters of all time. While the rapping dog (yes, there’s one of those in
this thing; that’s how out-of-touch
it is) allowed for some good riffs, I think the best material he got came from
the mariachi rats, particularly when they start singing.
#11: Top 11 Cereal
Mascots
This is another occasion where, if I was listing purely on
amount of times viewed, this would be #1… except this time, I’m not entirely
sure why. Maybe it’s a more natural exhibition of his riffing on nostalgic
marketing than his already excellent commercial specials. Maybe it’s because of
the hefty dramatic air he gives some of these mascots, like the Trix rabbit
being a Greek tragedy and Sonny the Cuckoo Bird being a sickly drug addict.
Maybe it’s because it shows a certain level of serious analysis that would
later blossom into greater things once the reboot came around. Or maybe it’s
all of these things, I don’t know.
#10: The Worst
Christmas Special EVER
After the already-thrashed Eight Crazy Nights review, have
to admit, I was not looking forward to this one when it was first released. And
yet, he more than manages to deliver on the title with some of the most jittery
and almost schizophrenic animation, coupled with absolutely weaksauce voice
acting, to be found outside of a Phoenix Games production. It probably helps
that he closes out the review with an impromptu “THIS is what Christmas is
really about” sentiment including not only the rest of the Critic team but also
his family as well.
#9: The Last
Airbender
The only episode of the show that has so far required an entire video
series worth of setup before he even got to the film itself, this video not
only highlights how bad this horrendous adaptation is but also how good the TV
show is by comparison. He shows a real respect and admiration for the original
cartoon, almost inversely proportional to the amount of respect Shyamalan had
for the show when he was making the bloody movie. It also helps that he ends on
a sentiment concerning franchises that seriously needs to be brought up more: A
bad story doesn’t negate the good stories.
#8: A Tribute To
Siskel & Ebert
A critic doing a tribute to other critics… I’m not going to
say that I entirely ripped this one
off, but I will say that it probably influenced me somewhere along the way
while preparing for Meta Month. Actually, that comparison is kind of apropos
because this video definitely showed one of the bigger hints of the inner
fanboy that floats around a lot of Doug’s work. The amount of respect he shows
for Siskel, Ebert and even Richard Roeper (despite their flaws) is palpable and
it is kind of adorkable seeing him gush over the signed book that he got from
Ebert himself. And then Ebert saw this video, tweeted Doug and Doug framed the tweet. Yeah, more than
anything else, that level of admiration has to be commended. After a few of the
tweets I’ve gotten in response to Meta Month, I can honestly say that it is
certainly a thrill when senpai notices you.
#7: Pearl Harbor
Depicting a fictionalized version of Michael Bay’s career is
a decent idea all on its own, but using it as a Jesus allegory? This video
turned out a hell of a lot better than anyone could’ve guessed with a setup
like that. The second episode to be made after the reboot, this was the first
real inkling that this new, more skit-heavy approach by Doug might have been
the best move for him to make. It also helps that a lot of his points about the
film proper, in particular the way Bay seems to both love the military and feel
fit to show them as incompetent, are justified and make for some good classic
Critic rage-outs.
#6: Bio-Dome
Probably as a by-product of having sat through so many
horrifically terrible comedies over the last few years, it’s kind of comforting
watching a review where I can relate to just how much pain a person can go through while watching a bad comedy. It’s
something akin to going insane, especially if you’re watching something that
other people find funny (which might
be the case for this film, I honestly don’t know); you feel like your whole
reality is fucking warped. Because of this, seeing the Critic sit through
easily one of the worst comedies ever gets some real sympathy going, and his
riffing on the action is pretty much the only way any clips of this movie can
be watched without immediate bleeding from the ears and eye sockets.
#5: Animaniacs
Tribute
Full disclosure: I first found out about the existence of Animaniacs
through the Critic’s Top 11 Naughtiest Animaniac Moments. Afterwards, whenever
Pinky & the Brain would be on the TV when I got home from school, I just
had to sit down and watch it. However, where the Siskel & Ebert tribute had
the Critic in full fanboy mode, this allows for a few more traces of
professionalism in the questions he asks. Not that this is dead serious, as it
closes out on a bit of improv with the voice actors questioned that is just
made of pure joy, but he strikes a good balance between the two.
Even though Doug would sort of lampshade what he feels is
his own weak writing with this one, in all honesty, this is a pretty
well-written attempt to take the decent premise of the film and make it work.
This is the kind of video that honestly improves with re-watches, as the
character actions and motives start to make more sense when you see how they
act during the video after the fact. No spoilers here, but the setup, the
characters used, the points made about the film, the ending; this would be my go-to
video to point out where storyline reviews can work, even in a vacuum.
#2: A Simple Wish
I have a very vivid memory of watching this video for the
first time, and having my mind completely blown. The review itself is mostly
the Critic reeling at the sheer insanity on screen and the extremely
overwrought attempts to be funny, but then the ending comes around with a cameo
that I don’t think anyone saw coming.
This head-on collision between two crucial figures from my adolescence was a
glorious thing to witness, and it provided a nice means for the Critic’s
character to maybe re-evaluate how he critiques certain actors.
#1: Batman And Robin
Yeah, this one seems fairly obvious for the long-time fans,
given the presence of the now-legendary “BAT CREDIT CARD!”, but this tops the
list for different reasons than just pure entertainment value. Sure, this is
one of the classic episodes of the show with good reason as, even with a slight
plot recount hiccup, his comments are still solid. However, this particular
video reaches first because, quite frankly, this is my first in more ways than
one. This is the video that I was
shown in that computer lab all those years ago that started my cinematic
journey that led me to where I am now; this 17 minute video has had some of the
most profound effect on my cultural mindset and how I approach pretty much any form of media. It is because of this
guy that I began to realize just how crap films like Batman & Robin and
Kazaam really are, but it’s also because of this video and the progress I’d
make after it that I have been able to see the sheer artistry in my favourite
films and enjoy them on a much deeper level. This isn’t so much a case of
undying loyalty, but more undying gratitude.
Well, after such a proclamation as that, you’d think we’d be
done by now. But no, we still have one last movie review to do and, much like
the Batman & Robin review, this one has a certain amount of significance to
me as well.
It may be possible to overstate this point, but it still
stands: The Nostalgia Critic may be one of the single most important people in
my life in terms of my own personal growth. Ever since I first watched one of
his videos after being shown it by a friend in high school back in April of
2010 (hence why Meta Month is set during April), I have grown a sense of
respect and appreciation for cinema that I doubt I would have ever found elsewhere. It is because of
him that this entire blog exists to begin with, not to mention the numerous
amazing experiences I have had watching films in the past 6 years that wouldn’t
have had the impact that they did without his involvement. And dear lord, of
all the video critics that I make a habit of regularly watching, he also has
the best track record for outright pissing me off. No, I am not talking about
drama involving Channel Awesome and its questionable business practices, nor
anything else related to Doug’s actions as a person. I mean strictly in terms
of his product, this guy sure has a way of getting under my skin. As such, time
to kick whatever sense of loyalty and restraint I have been showing over the
past month to the curb as I count down my picks for the Top 10 (or Bottom 10,
depending on your outlook) Worst
Episodes of the Nostalgia Critic. Why only 10? Because even this many just
plain hurts to recollect and I’d rather reduce the amount of pain I’m
intentionally subjecting myself to this time around. Also, I haven’t felt a
real need to emphasize this particular point yet but, considering who I’m
dealing with, I might have to this time around: These are just my own personal
picks and in no way an objective list of his absolute worst; I’m going by gut
instinct on a lot of these, so don’t freak out if one of your favourites is on
here.
Special Mention: Any
time he brings up TMZ
This isn’t relegated to a single video, instead being spread
clean across two along with a few miscellaneous mentions then on, but it
highlights one of Doug’s biggest issues that I’ll get into far greater detail
about later on down the list so the discussion as a whole gets a special
mention. That, and the main videos where this gets brought up (Top 11 South Park Episodes and his review of Steven Spielberg’s A.I.) aren’t that bad on
their own terms.
This review, much like a few others on this list, did at
some point take up a spot on my list of his best, but then got dropped for one
reason or another. For this one, it’s because of fellow reviewer Chris
Stuckmann, who did a very detailed breakdown of the same film and explained why
he holds it as near and dear to him as he does. Honestly, after that compelling
of an argument, hearing the Critic stumble over those same potholes isn’t
nearly as enthralling. It honestly started to feel like a Bad Movie Beatdown
episode for me, where my enjoyment of the thing is hindered by just how much I
can correct the critic in question on concerning the film. What? I’m already
showing apparent disdain for one critic; might as well throw another one under
the bus while I’m at it.
#9: Congo
With this one, it’s just a matter of not having the right approach
to the subject. I’ll rarely if ever say this, but Roger Ebert was dead-on about
this film: This was intentionally
silly. I mean, between getting big name B-movie actors like Bruce Campbell and
Joe Don Baker, Tim Curry’s phenomenally silly accent, the ape who loves being
tickled, the fucking laser rifle?! If
there was any inkling that he knew that this film had any sense of
self-awareness, this would be fine, but no; he takes all of it at face value,
in effect doing the film itself somewhat of a disservice. This should get
somewhat higher a spot on the list, since an argument could be made (not by me)
that this is a matter of incompetence, but as the Critic would actually
acknowledge this point in a later video, it gets some mercy for him potentially
calling mea culpa. The rest of these videos? Not so much.
#8: Turbo: A Power
Rangers Movie
Doug has always tried to convey the idea that there
shouldn’t be such a thing as a ‘guilty pleasure’, as no-one should feel guilt
or feel abnormal in any way for liking certain media, something I seriously
commend him for… when he sticks to it. Otherwise, in reviews like this, he
comes across as astoundingly patronizing and condescending to the fans of the
original material. That’s a pretty big accomplishment when you’re discussing a
film that even fans of Power Rangers don’t seem to like, and you still come across as a judgmental
asshole. This unfortunately will not be the last time that this uglier side of
the Critic will be shown on this list.
The initial concept of Doug in character as Optimus Prime
reviewing the original cartoon is a fairly interesting approach to take with
it. And then a wave of subpar jokes come marching in and… well, you have a
video worthy of being on this list. However, more than anything else, it’s the
teeth-grinding banality of Soundwave’s want for a romantic comedy that
officially shoots whatever good this video had going for it square in the face,
leaving it to just twitch its way to completion. Seriously, it’s rare that
you’ll ever see a joke drag so damn much that, before too long, you’ll be
praying for the rapid-fire wit of a Seltzerberg production.
#6: Osmosis Jones
To quote Oancitizen: Everything is a remix; originality is
overrated. Case in point, this review that spends its entire time comparing the
titular film to the then-recent release of Inside Out and pointing out the
numerous similarities between them. It gets exceptionally tedious with how
often its brought up, but what makes it even worse is that it ends on a note
where the similarities are acknowledged and then brushed aside with “Well, this
film did them better”. That’s a
pretty spiteful way to close out what could’ve been a more nuanced take on the
subject that I know for a fact the
Critic is capable of doing.
I freely admit that this review actually has some fairly
funny jokes, especially when he gets to the lunacy of Ice-T as a kangaroo. But
one of the jokes he makes about how the money used for the extravagant musical
number could’ve been used to feed starving children crosses the line between
cringe comedy and just plain unfunny. Nevermind the fact that the joke itself
is extended beyond its welcome, this is a statement that you could make about any film ever made. Yeah, instead of
making films, why don’t we use that same money to feed starving children? That
is a very slippery slope to take.
#4: The Matrix
Reloaded
He had a potentially cool idea and completely pissed it away.
The first Matrix review had a premise in its storyline segments involving an
underground of people who don’t like the Matrix movies, something that honestly
sounded kind of interesting even as a person who honestly loves the series
(okay, save for Revolutions, which even I
can’t find the wherewithal to defend). It at the very least managed a decent
level of parallel between the film’s narrative and the film’s reception. And
then came this review, which sabotaged that entire concept with some backhanded
connotations that the people who actually do
like the movies are in some way brainwashed to do so. Way to combine two things
that I hate seeing you do (wasting potential and back-pedalling on your own
morals) into a single unlikeable package, dude.
#3: It
My gripes with this review are mainly of a personal nature,
given my sheer admiration for the film in question. That said, this marks an
important part of my growth as a film buff as this was the first time that I
had the feeling that maybe, just maybe, what a critic says isn’t gospel. And
indeed, his constant showcasing of what I consider to be blatant
misunderstanding of the material given and endless mocking that ends up
reaching points of seriously uncalled for, was such an occasion. This is
another review that flip-flopped with me on what I thought of it, and it does
have some decent jokes, but after so much time thinking it over I’ve come to
the conclusion that I flat-out hate
this video. I’d even go so far as to say that this tapped into a specific vein
of fanboy rage that I hadn’t felt this strongly before or since. Well, at least
until Baz Luhrman’s The Great Gatsby came out.
#2: Airborne
I’m kind of surprised that this guy could honestly get to me
on a purely ethical level, but here we are. His comments about the main
character’s very 90’s ‘dude, just chill’ faux-philosophizing are founded and he
makes some decent points… except the majority of his comments appear to be
attacking the fact that he is a pacifist. Throughout the entire review, the
Critic keeps bringing up the character’s stance of non-violence as him being a
wuss, which I take some serious issues with and it really shows the Critic to
be a bit of a jackass. Except where such things could usually be guarded by the
fact that he is playing a character, that doesn’t quite excuse the fact that this
goes beyond just character mockery and starts making the Critic (and by
extension Doug to a certain extent) out to be the kind of person that would
shoot flower-carrying protestors in the face. It’s fucking abhorrent and, no,
it being a joke doesn’t excuse the matter.
#1: Eight Crazy
Nights
This marks the absolute nadir of Doug’s attitude concerning
letting people enjoy what they want to enjoy, with a video that outright mocks
the fan base of the given film and does everything it can to belittle people
who commit the heinous crime of finding joy in something like this. Nevermind
that his mockery of Whitey gets especially grisly when it isn’t called for, and
his joke about calling Adam Sandler goes on for way too long; this tops the
list because it betrays a core principal of Doug’s film-going philosophy, even
more so than he had already done, and it reaches a level of hypocrisy that is
usually reserved for only the truly loathsome pieces of human refuse out there.
No, I don’t care if this is a Happy Madison production that we’re talking
about; I would be saying this exact same thing regardless of whoever’s name is
attached to it. Unlike Mr. Walker here, I will not go back on my words as I say
them: No-one, I repeat no-one,
should be made to feel guilty/stupid/any way inferior for liking anything meant
for popular consumption. You are not less of a person just because you like
Adam Sandler movies, in much the same way that you are not less of a person if
you happen to like any of the videos I have so far listed; that's your right. When
someone time and again continues to belittle people for their tastes, that is
where I rather vehemently put my foot down and no more so than with this utter
waste of time and energy.
Good God, it actively hurts to think about all this crap and
the fact that this guy means as much to me as he does only makes it worse. You
know the old saying: Never meet your heroes. Well, for the three of you that
are still reading this and aren’t already spewing bile in the comments section,
next time will be a return back to our usual cheery selves as I look into the
more positive works of the Nostalgia Critic and, hopefully, better explain how
this guy could leave such a massive impact on me.
Most people get their friends together to watch movies. Brad
Jones is the guy who gets his friends together to make them, and to his credit,
it usually results in product that is watchable outside of his inner circle.
With as equal a love for the glory days of exploitation cinema as he does all
things 70’s, his homebrew style of filmmaking may not be the most technically
polished stuff around but the real-life comradery between him and those around
him can be reasonably relied on for something fun. And his latest, Disco, is no
exception.
