Spy Kids: Armageddon (2023) - Movie Review

Even before I recognised Robert Rodriguez’s name as a filmmaker, the Spy Kids series was the shit when I was a kid. The first one in particularly was largely responsible for me going through a major spy phase, getting a bunch of toy gadgets and playing mock action spy in the playground… alone… because goddamn, if you think reading my words as an adult makes me look awkward, kid-me was even worse. And the films themselves have held pretty damn well… okay, two of them have held up really well, with 3-D: Game Over having aged especially poorly thanks to the visuals and ugly-ass red-blue 3D, and All The Time In The World being just a categorical disaster that Rodriguez himself was basically strong-armed into doing thanks to Harvey Weinstein (a statement which itself has aged even worse than Game Over).

But even those films still held onto the unshakeable earnestness that RR approaches every production with. The way he wrapped up so many wrong-headed ideas in All The Time In The World with a genuine message about putting family first and doing right by your kids (made stronger by how he often makes films with his kids)… I mean, the film overall still sucks, but there’s no denying that he meant that shit.

Hypnotic (2023) - Movie Review

There are few things that fill me with more delight than seeing the words “Directed by Robert Rodriguez” in big fuck-off letters on a cinema screen. I’ve gotten to the point where I would willingly watch the guy work on just about anything, but there’s something special about seeing his work on the big screen. The human lab rat turned one-man film crew who lives and breathes neo-exploitation and old-school pulp cinema, he’s the guy that marked the real turning point for my fascination with filmmaking as a creative process, and auteur theory in particular. And with his latest, a detective-led crime drama that spirals out into a government conspiracy involving psychics and the power of hypnotic suggestion, there’s quite a bit of other auteurs to be found in the construction here.

We Can Be Heroes (2020) - Movie Review

It was tough figuring out what to review for my last write-up of 2020. I mean, this has been the most productive year in this blog’s history, and I still wasn’t able to get around to everything I wanted to see. So… what do I pick?

The new George Clooney movie? Eh, after Suburbicon, I haven’t been holding out much hope for that working out.

Death Of 2020, Charlie Brooker’s new production? I think this year’s been bleak enough without shining a light on someone else shining a light on how garbage the last twelve months have been. I want to end things more positively than that.

Well, how about Wonder Woman 1984? Can’t go see it in cinemas because of lockdown, and it isn’t streaming over here yet, so that’s out (same with Superintelligence, although quite frankly, I’m not exactly beating myself up over missing out on James Corden no doubt embarrassing himself once again).

Then this little feature popped up on Netflix earlier this week… looks like I got my pick.

Alita: Battle Angel (2019) - Movie Review

 

Well, this is one hell of an unexpected team-up. On one hand, you’ve got director Robert Rodriguez, one-man film crew, vanguard of modern exploitation and the guy behind the film that got into cinema in the first place. And on the other, you have co-writer James Cameron, a filmmaker responsible for some of the greatest 90’s action flicks and the guy behind the two highest-grossing films of all time. Of course, since Rodriguez hasn’t been in the director’s chair for a few years now (and his last couple of offerings were quite inconsistent) and Cameron is apparently dedicating himself solely to building an empire of unnecessary backwash off the back of Avatar, this could easily turn sour. But man oh man, am I glad that this film is as entertaining as it is.