Spy Kids: Armageddon (2023) - Movie Review

Even before I recognised Robert Rodriguez’s name as a filmmaker, the Spy Kids series was the shit when I was a kid. The first one in particularly was largely responsible for me going through a major spy phase, getting a bunch of toy gadgets and playing mock action spy in the playground… alone… because goddamn, if you think reading my words as an adult makes me look awkward, kid-me was even worse. And the films themselves have held pretty damn well… okay, two of them have held up really well, with 3-D: Game Over having aged especially poorly thanks to the visuals and ugly-ass red-blue 3D, and All The Time In The World being just a categorical disaster that Rodriguez himself was basically strong-armed into doing thanks to Harvey Weinstein (a statement which itself has aged even worse than Game Over).

But even those films still held onto the unshakeable earnestness that RR approaches every production with. The way he wrapped up so many wrong-headed ideas in All The Time In The World with a genuine message about putting family first and doing right by your kids (made stronger by how he often makes films with his kids)… I mean, the film overall still sucks, but there’s no denying that he meant that shit.

Tetris (2023) - Movie Review

I have pretty much given up trying to anticipate anything that Jon S. Baird does. With each new release, he not only creates something that stands out wholly from anything else that’s released next to it, but even from the previous production Baird worked on. He's gone from the psychological dark comedy of Filth to the vaudeville tragedy of Stan & Ollie… to a Cold War-era political thriller wearing the skin of a corporate biopic in Tetris.

Warcraft (2016) - Movie Review

With every passing season, there is a video game movie released to cinemas. Likewise, there is also a flood of people declaring it the worst yet because it seems that the Internet filters out any semblance of perspective and leaves only the bile. While there is some precedent to the notion, as video game adaptations have a pretty failure rate with only one or two notable exceptions (and even then, those are often contested), I will try and let the film speak for itself on this one. I’ll be forced to do so anyway, as Warcraft is a franchise that I have very limited experience with. I vaguely remember playing Warcraft III in a few LAN parties in high school, and of course World Of Warcraft helped give us one of the best South Park episodes ever with Make Love, Not Warcraft, but other than that I’m going into this as I’m sure a lot of filmgoers are: As a casual observer. But even with that in mind, is this film as bad as its already prominent reputation has decreed? This is Warcraft.

Press Start (2007) - Movie Review

We’ve talked before about movies based on video games, and even movies that just happen to revolve around video games, but I don’t think we’ve discussed the matter of making fun of video games before. Sure, the tropes of the format open themselves up for easy jokes, to the point where even children’s films about Noah’s Ark feature a few digs at gaming… for reasons that continue to elude me. But what about making an entire film devoted to parodying video games? Well, then we have today’s subject, directed by Neon Harbour head honcho Ed Glaser. Yeah, this might be a bit of a stretch in a month meant to be dedicated to critics and reviewers, but considering Ed’s own series Deja View and his intensely satirical edge between this and works like Ninja The Mission Force, I’m counting it. But, how is the film itself? Is it a jewel in the murk that is video game-related cinema, or is it just another of the pack?

Pixels (2015) - Movie Review

I may not be as frequent a gamer as I used to be, but these square eyes aren’t something that have faded since then; I may suck when going against other players, but I still have a large piece of heart dedicated to the bit-bound medium. However, this is another one of those ideas where people actively attempt to create a Reese’s-style combination: People love video games and people love movies. Now, over the last several years, games have become increasingly cinematic thanks to the works of Hideo Kojima and the staff at Naughty Dog, among others, and have yielded some truly amazing results. Transferring the other way, not so much, as I’ve discussed before in great detail. So, with the idea of a video game-centric movie not exactly having the best pedigree to support itself, how do you think it’ll work when backed by the likes of Happy Friggin’ Madison