X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019) - Movie Review

In the history of the Fox-helmed X-Men films, this particular entry is an important one. Mostly because, now that Disney owns the entertainment sector of Fox, this is the last film this franchise will produce until Feig and company integrate the mutants into the MCU proper. Even though Logan basically served as the thematic conclusion for this series, this is where it officially ends (save for New Mutants, but that project has been held back for so long now, it’s anyone’s guess if we’ll ever actually see it).

But there’s also something else that gives this film importance, namely writer and first-time director Simon Kinberg’s reason for making it. He tried before to bring the story of the all-powerful Phoenix to the big screen through his work on The Last Stand, but since most audiences didn’t care much for it, he wanted to try again and get it right this time. As I got into at the start of this year, I have a fondness for cinematic redemption stories like that, ones where creatives look at past mistakes and seek to rectify them; doubly so since it’s a filmmaker correcting their own mistake in this instance. However, no matter which way you slice it, the background importance placed on this just doesn’t translate into the finished product. Like… at all.

Rocketman (2019) - Movie Review

This is the kind of film that, for as long as it has languished in production limbo, came together through a collection of cosmic synchronicities. From producer Matthew Vaughn’s connecting with Elton John on the set of Kingsman: The Golden Circle, to director and fellow Ritchie collaborator Dexter Fletcher’s experiences batting clean-up for Bryan Singer on Bohemian Rhapsody, right down to Taron Egerton getting a shot of portraying one of Britain’s greatest musical talents as a result of having already done his music justice as part of Illumination Entertainment’s Sing.

It’s the kind of background info that ends up fuelling the hype behind this particular feature, as this is the kind of film that only comes about through pretty much everything being exactly where they need to be. It’s not a perfect film, but it’s damn near close.

Godzilla: King Of The Monsters (2019) - Movie Review

Imagine a disused wrestling ring. One that has been left abandoned for so long that anthills have formed on the foam-padded floor. The ants have made it their home… but something happens. All of a sudden, the stage lights turn on. The rumbling of the audience is heard as they take their seats. Gladiators take to the stage to throw down and see who is the true champion. All while the ants can do nothing but stand and watch as the place that was once their home is ravaged by creatures beyond their comprehension. Now stop imagining, because this is exactly what watching Godzilla: King Of The Monsters feels like.

Brightburn (2019) - Movie Review

After a fairly lengthy and social media drama fuelled fiasco, filmmaker James Gunn appears to be back in action and at full force. Not only is he returning to Marvel for the next Guardians Of The Galaxy entry as well as snagging the next Suicide Squad movie for DC, he has also given his blessing and a production credit to today’s film, a superpowered horror flick written by James’ brother and cousin that takes a look at a familiar superhero origin story and twists it on its head into something worthy of horror. I’ll admit that I was very hyped to check this one out, seeing it as the re-entry point for a creative mind who got into the alt-right’s line of fire, but as I’ll get into, the results are more muddled than they should be.

The Hustle (2019) - Movie Review

It’s distaff remake time again as we look at the latest attempt to give female actors a chance to shine by reviving an old favourite, in this case being the Frank Oz classic Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, itself a remake of the 60’s Marlon Brando vehicle Bedtime Story. Between how well previous distaff remakes have turned out, like the still-enjoyable Ocean’s 8, and last year’s major success at a legacy remake with A Star Is Born, there’s a certain chance that this film could turn out alright. However, while I hesitate to call this film outright bad, I also hesitate to call this film… well, worth existing.

Before getting too heavily into the negatives, let’s be fair and look at what is done right here. While utilizing the same script as both Scoundrels and Bedtime Story, we also have some punch-ups done by Captain Marvel co-writer Jac Schaeffer. To her credit, the new quips in this version land more times than not, and even when they don’t land, it rarely devolves into sheer pain like a lot of bad comedies tend to do. Add to that Anne Hathaway doing nicely as the upper-class swindler and Rebel Wilson and her frequent ad-libs as the small-time con artist, and you have a good foundation for some madcap antics. Bonus points for Wilson’s work IRL, using her legal education to keep this film from getting a rather bewildering R rating in the states.

But for as much as I could discuss the new elements here, not to mention director Chris Addison giving a solid first impression as a feature filmmaker, this is still wielding a script that has been around for over 50 years and the major points, namely the narrative, are pretty much beat-for-beat what they were at the start. As a result, any real props I can give to the new dialogue ends up overshadowed by how this is ultimately a matter of delivery: How does this film hold up to previous incarnations? And honestly, it’s all over the place.

Both Bedtime Story and Scoundrels treated the con game in much the same way that Ocean’s Eleven treated its own, presenting it as a battle of wits and charm where respect is paid to those who can do it well. That’s not what we get here. For every moment of grace and good sportsmanship that existed in either previous films, there’s a moment here that brings out hysterics in the patronising, ‘we used to use this as psychiatric gaslighting’ sense, always coming across like they’re entitled to not playing fair.

That on its own makes engaging with them at work a bit tricky, but then we get to the swindles themselves and… *sigh* While claiming to be European royalty probably doesn’t work as a grift anymore, the ‘Lord Of The Rings’ gambit here might be one of the dumbest cons I’ve ever seen on the big screen. I know that the script has its wacky moments, but it didn’t strain credibility this badly.

And then there’s the major sticking point: The ending, which is basically the exact same as Scoundrels. Now, if I had to guess, I wouldn’t be surprised if this remake’s entire existence was predicated on just that ending, considering it made for a deliciously subversive moment of the two professionals getting played at their own game. It even featured fake Australian accents, which sound a lot better coming out of Caine’s mouth than Afrikaans does out of Wilson’s.

But more than that, the fact that the ending is this xeroxed, but still keeping the gender-swap, robs it of any efficacy. It takes what was a pretty cool moment of showing the supposed victim becoming the victor into something that only serves to reinforce the film’s own preconceptions. Pretty weird when you’re trying to subvert what came before and end up missing the point of the whole affair.

All of this results in a film that is mildly funny, technically sound and even outdoes what it’s remaking (albeit in superficial areas, like the opening credits), but just doesn’t hold a candle to past material. Even Bedtime Story, as dated as it is, left a better impression than this does. What’s more, even though it sticks closely to the original script, it somehow manages to miss the very point that could have given this remake some agency and even a bit of subversion in its own right. It’s a remake that feels like it completely missed the point of why it’s even being remade, which considering the current remake-heavy climate, is thoroughly disappointing.

Poms (2019) - Movie Review

As someone who frequently watches and reviews all manner of films on this blog, the first question in response to most if not all of them is fairly straight-forward: Who was this made for? Whether it was made with my suburban early-20’s demographic in mind or otherwise, who is a given film meant to appeal to? More to the point, is it any good at doing the appealing? Today’s film is a relatively simple answer to that, the older demographic, but that question nonetheless persists because, frankly, I’m not even sure if the filmmakers themselves knew who they were aiming for.

Pokémon Detective Pikachu (2019) - Movie Review

After a long line of films based on video games that have made both gamers and general audiences heave into their popcorn buckets, it seems like the levy has finally broken and we have a good one out in cinemas. We’ve been leading up to this for a while now, between the genuine attempts at artistry in Assassin’s Creed, the outright fun of Rampage, even the frenzied glee of video-game-inspired Hardcore Henry, and while not everyone is raving about this particular feature, this has caught fire in a way that video game adaptations really haven’t managed to in years past. The reason why, having watched it, seems fairly obvious: Both as a continuation of an adored IP and as a film in its own right, this production does justice to both.