Tom & Jerry (2021) - Movie Review

Taking a break from giving Ice Cube more cinematic material to embarrass himself with (for now, given Ride Along 3 is apparently in development… thoughts and prayers are appreciated at this time), Tim Story, for some reason, has been handed the reins on the latest feature-length outing for one of the great cartoon duos. Between his inability to flesh out ostensibly original material with the Ride Along films, and his recurrent dropping of the ball with pre-established IPs like with the latest version of Shaft, I highly question why he was the one drafted for this.

But to his credit, he manages to modernise everyone’s favourite cat and mouse… not their classic material, though. Instead, more than anything else, this ends up being more of a modernisation of the ‘90s feature film, falling into the same traps that one did and even finding ways to go lower than before.

Kidnapped (2021) - Movie Review

Well, here’s a movie I would have completely missed if I didn’t keep track of the names attached to so many of the films I cover on here. For a start, this is an honest-to-Dude Lifetime movie that managed to make it to cinemas here in Australia, either because we’re still starved for new features to throw on the big screen or (more likely) because it was filmed and takes place in this country. There’s also the lead actress, Claire van der Boom, who I technically last saw in Palm Beach, but who I mainly remember for being in the glorified Nikon advert Love Is Now.

And then there’s the director, Vic Sarin. That name may not mean anything to anyone else, but apart from directing several other Lifetime productions, he’s also the director behind the quintessential rapture movie and the grandfather of modern Christiansploitation with the original Left Behind. That’s a trinity of warning signs without seeing a frame of the film itself, and I’ll be honest, I went in expecting a trainwreck. And while I didn’t exactly receive said trainwreck, I can safely say that this isn’t all that good either.

Peter Rabbit 2 (2021) - Movie Review

I didn’t really know what to expect out of this movie. Between the initial trailer being as middling as it was, it being one of the first films to be made to do the COVID shuffle, and the original being so wildly inconsistent, I went into this follow-up without much expectation, other than hoping it wouldn’t derail itself with food allergies again. And to its credit, it left the realistic Epi-pen shit alone this time around… but it still managed to derail itself. In monumental, rubber-necking, legitimately infuriating fashion. Slow claps all round.

Godzilla Vs. Kong (2021) - Movie Review

My opinion on Legendary Pictures’ Monsterverse seems to be steadily growing more and more favourable the more films come out. 2014’s Godzilla was good, although not exactly landing high on my radar, then Kong: Skull Island had me in a gleeful frenzy at how kitchen-sink the action sequences were, and then Godzilla: King Of The Monsters… well, I named it one of my favourites of that year, as something that literally awe-inspiring deserves such commendation. With all the big studios still doing the COVID do-si-do with their release schedules, I was expecting the latest from this franchise to end up stuck in limbo, given it was one of many that was meant to come out in 2020. But now that it’s here, I can safely say that it is everything I wanted out of a new Godzilla/Kong movie… and even gave me shit I didn’t realise I wanted. Yep, it’s a Deadpool 2 situation.

Then Came You (2021) - Movie Review

Apparently, casting directors have taken to throwing darts at a mass of random names, because that’s the only explanation I can think of for that supposed triple-bill (I say “supposed” because Hurley gets about 5 minutes of total screen-time). This reads more like generations-removed fanfiction, pairing two talk show hosts in a romantic story, and if it weren’t for the fact that Kathie Lee also wrote this, I would be asking what she’s even doing here. Admittedly, I’m still asking that, after having seen the bloody thing, but you get my point.

Nomadland (2021) - Movie Review

Wanting to just say “Fuck it”, pack into a van, and go anywhere other than here is a rather common thought nowadays. Even as a functional introvert, I feel as if recent events have been testing my willingness to spend most of my waking hours indoors. So with indie filmmaker and soon-to-be MCU inductee Chloé Zhao’s latest feature, there’s definite timeliness to be gotten out of watching Fern (Frances McDormand) roam America in her RV, and wishing one could do the same in these days of lockdown. Only what’s being tapped into is at once removed from the here and now (taking place in the wake of the global financial crisis), but also informed by events that have been steadily growing worse in the interim.

Cosmic Sin (2021) - Movie Review

With some movies that I write about on here, I worry about falling into a common trap with people writing about media: Explaining the plot. Specifically, just reiterating what happens without adding any of my own observations into the mix. As I’m still regaining my sea legs after my break, I’ve been worrying about this with my last couple reviews. But thankfully, there is no chance of that happening with this one. Mainly because reciting every detail of the plot would require me to understand what in the blue-crystal fuck was going on in it.