Shin Godzilla (2016) - Movie Review

Back in high school, I went through something of a Japanese cinematic phase. And no, this was before I found the Critic; this was less classy A-movies and more splatsticky B-movies. Specifically, those connected with goremeister Yoshihiro Nishimura: Mutant Girls Squad, Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl, Tokyo Gore Police, right up to the film that started it all for me Robogeisha. It was around this time that I developed a liking for that style of filmmaking, getting into Grindhouse shortly after. This is probably where I also got my appreciation for the more insane films out there so, for those who find reason to object to my defending of films like Yoga Hosers and Zoolander 2, you can thank the land of the rising acidic breast milk for that. So, when news hit of a new Godzilla film coming out with Nishimura himself working on the effects, a particularly abnormal wave of nostalgia washed me into my local cinema to check it out. I’m a bit rusty on recent language-other-than-English cinema, so I don’t know how this will turn out.

This Giant Papier Mache Boulder Is Actually Really Heavy (2016) - Movie Review

Sci-fi is a genre with a long and proud history of being enjoyed by losers stuck in their parents’ basements. As such, it has also garnered a certain mockable reputation that, in recent years, has begun to recede into just being another aspect of human life. For all the hate I have for The Big Bang Theory, it is regrettably part of that assimilation process so I have one thing to be thankful to it for. While my brain tries to process me giving that piece of crap any credit, I will conceit that all of this acceptance doesn’t change one simple fact: Sci-fi is also incredibly goofy, even on a good day. As a result, riffing on films within that spectrum is probably the easiest of any genre; hell, the entire idea of riffing came about thanks to the kitschier titles of the 50’s and 60’s. Now, making fun of silly science fiction is all well and good, but then we get into feature-length spoof movies… and now the fear has set in. I say that because the spoof movie died a rather loud and obnoxious death a while back thanks to chuckleheads like Friedberg & Seltzer; people rarely make them anymore, and the few we do see are outright garbage. So, will this micro-budgeted New Zealand effort break the chain?

Rupture (2016) - Movie Review

It may have taken over a year for it to happen, but I think I’ve finally found a good thing to come out of last year’s Fifty Shades Of Grey adaptation: It brought further attention to another, far better film exploring S&M because we desperately wanted an alternative. Specifically, 2002’s Secretary, a film that seriously deserves getting some form of mainstream attention even if it’s through a tangential connection to a rather weak offering. With a mixture of genuine understanding and realistic characters, even considering the scope of their… actions, let’s say, it managed to give a very reasonable, sympathetic and frequently funny depiction of that type of lifestyle. It’s the kind of film that I personally have all the respect for because it managed to show kindness to an area of sexuality that, up until that point, had mainly been used for cheap jokes and even cheaper exploitation (Body Of Evidence, anyone?).

So, after making a film about a famous photographer which also delved into certain elements of fringe culture, writer/director Steven Shainberg has been quiet for the last ten years. Then news hit of his latest film being released in Australia, in a sci-fi film festival no less, and I made my way down to Randwick faster than most of the horses that made the area famous. But is the trip worth it, cinematically at least?

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children (2016) - Movie Review

Sometimes, a film comes out where the filmmaker(s) and subject matter match each other that well that you start to question why it’s only now that such a connection was made. On one hand, you have director Tim Burton, a man whom has made a career out of telling stories of pale-skinned outsiders and giving them their rightful place in the world. On the other, we have the modern YA adaptation sub-genre, which has latched onto the public consciousness through teenaged empowerment fantasies of going against the system that wronged them. Add to this screenwriter Jane Goldman, whose work with Matthew Vaughn embodies that same air of acknowledging and celebrating the abnormal, and you have probably the most ideal combination of any film this year… in theory, at least. After all, as much I like Burton, Goldman and some of the higher-profile YA adaptations (I maintain that The Hunger Games is still an amazing film series), none of the above are immune from being rubbish. Last year’s me may argue this point, but I hadn’t yet seen Mars Attacks at that point; this year’s me knows that this guy is capable of making crap. So, even with all the right pieces in place behind the scenes, how does the final product look?

The Magnificent Seven (2016) - Movie Review

Even in the realms of cinematic remakes, this is a rather unique ouroborosian situation. While you are quickly Googling that word, I’ll get into why this is. Back when I looked at Slow West, I made brief mention of the relationship between Japanese and Western cinema and here is where we crash head-first into one of the first branches on that tree. Based on the Akira Kurosawa classic Seven Samurai, the original Magnificent Seven is a seminal staple of Old Hollywood and set in place an action blueprint of the rag-tag team of characters that come together to fight a great foe that would be copied verbatim for decades to follow. If you’ve ever watched A Bug’s Life, then you have a pretty good idea of the formula. With that in mind, and the fact that this is a reimagining of a remake of a definitive piece of cinema (all of which has sprouted its own niches and sub-genres in their wake), this could prove a tricky one. It is also, based solely on the trailer, one of the few films this year that I have genuinely been anxious to see for myself. Time to dig in and see how this holds up, considering this film has a lot that it needs to prove.

The Girl On The Train (2016) - Movie Review

After spending far longer than I was expecting to this year complaining about movie marketing, I finally get to talk about the positives of movie marketing. Specifically, what it is capable of telling studios. The oldest rule in the medium of entertainment is to give the audience what they want, and what we spend our money on confirms that this is a thing we like to see and wouldn’t mind seeing again. It’s the cornerstone for the franchise-heavy filmmaking mindset that Hollywood has made some comfy cash on in recent years (or decades, if we’re being honest).

I say all this because, with only a passing glimpse at this film’s marketing, it is clear that the grease in the production’s gears is the success of David Fincher’s Gone Girl from two years ago. People saw that film in droves, both critics and casuals alike, and I myself would love to see more of that kind of smart and intense thriller. I’ve admitted before to my own fascination with trickery and games of wits, and no film of the last several years did a better job in those two areas than Gone Girl. But that’s where the association gets a little dangerous: This film wants to be seen as another Gone Girl. But is it capable of fulfilling that role? Hell, removed from connections to any other film, is it capable of fulfilling its role as a movie?

Deepwater Horizon (2016) - Movie Review

I have no real opinion when it comes to the use of fossil fuels. I understand that its current use is having certain hazardous effects on the environment, but I also understand that alternative energy isn’t yet at the point of replacing its ubiquity. I see it as a necessary evil for the time being more than anything else, something aided by the fact that we as a species have a history of decisions that have adversely affected the world around us, and the living things that live on it; trust me, burning oil and coal is a serious step-up compared to the other things we’ve historically burnt. Yeah, I’m just as surprised as you are that my usual soap-boxing stances on social issues didn’t quite translate on this one. So, as we get into today’s film, understand that I’m going in without any real bias at all; a rarity in these parts, I know.