Sunday, 17 April 2016

Top 20 Phelous Episodes

This guy might be one of the biggest trolls in the Internet reviewing game, to the point where he has kind of made a running joke out of he tried tricking the audience into thinking his show was ending… and yeah, some of us fell for it. But, with that said, this guy kind of shows the more positive side of trolling; you know, where it only goes into the realms of goofy fun and doesn’t reach the point of teeth-grinding hatefulness that some others do (*cough*Dramatica*cough*). So, in tribute to one of the most entertainingly lethargic presences on the Internet, here are my picks for the 20 best episodes of Phelous… or Phelous And The Movies… or Phelous Filmio Films… or that show with no name. See what I mean about messing with audiences?

#20: Hoboween 2

I have a real soft spot in my heart for Phelous’ rendition of Michael Myers, and it’s probably here that he gets the most to do with that character. Probably the funniest moment of the film is when we get Phelous’ reaction to one of Michael’s more confounding fashion choices, a reaction that fuels one of the bigger cries of lame movie despair of his entire videography.

#19: Pulselous

The start of a long stint of reviews with the word ‘Pulse’ somewhere in their title, Phelous points out how weirdly depressed the main character is and makes a pretty good running gag involving intercutting Louie The Lightning Bug into the rather cartoonish acts done by the electricity. Yeah, this is a film where electricity is sentient and wants to kill people. I had a joke for that sentence, but I’m not telling it!

#18: TMNT: Gettin’ Down And Depressed In Your Town

What’s weirder than knowing that the Ninja Turtles had a concert tour back in the day? The fact that they also did a sequel tour, complete with video evidence. Even with how much Phelous begrudgingly liked some of the songs from Coming Out Of Their Shells, this is a whole mess of unintentional misery that is desperately trying to convince people that other people liked it.

#17: Phailaddin

Starting out on one of Phelous’ more traditionally trolly introductions, complete with Captain Explainy-pants, he points out just how bad of a transfer the DVD itself is and how… incidentally perverted some of the animation is. His reactions to some of the lamer jokes are good and angry as well.

#16: In The Name Of The Phelous 2: Lundgren 2 The Crisp

Not his first, nor his last, encounter with Uwe Boll, one of the biggest trolls in the history of cinema, there’s just something inherently funny about the alternate character voice he gives Dolph Lundgren for the review. That, and I find myself giggling at the “Crispality” line at random points in my day-to-day life.

#15: TMNT Top 40 Dumbest Moments

Highlighting one of his favourite shows by going over some of its worst moments. Sounds a bit odd to begin with but, unlike a lot of videos that showcase the weaker bits of their favourite thing, this list manages to keep Phelous’ genuine appreciation for the show in question at the forefront. Even when he gets into idiocy like Mad Dog McMutt and “Krang, Goddess of love!”, you can tell that this all comes from a honest place.

#14: Birdphemic: Silly And Terrible

Phelous already has an… interesting approach to comedy, and it only seems to get exacerbated when the film he’s looking at is equally… interesting. As such, across both parts of this review, he gives a fairly good run-through of just how much cinematic wrong this thing contains.

#13: Mortal Phombat 2: Anniphelation

As a major Mortal Kombat fan, with his previous video showcasing how much the original film actually did right, you can see that a lot of the fan outrage on his part is real. It’s seriously weird when the guy he cast to play Raiden in his Mortal Komedy series is a better choice than the one in this big budget Hollywood film.

#12: Bloodphayne

Yet another encounter with the cinematic sauerkraut Uwe Boll, this definitely shows Phelous at his best as he brings so much of the just plain awful in this film to the forefront. Sure, with someone like Boll, a lot of these are pretty dang obvious on their own, but the tidbits he brings up are the kind that creep into the subconscious with how bizarre they are. I will forever be seeing Uwe Boll’s wristwatch.

#11: Foodfight!

Hands down, the best review of the film which considering how many people would end up trying to slice into it is quite a feat. A team-up between Phelous, Obscurus Lupa and Brad Jones (out of his Snob character), this review has an awful lot of derpy moments between the three of them but it’s also one of the more informative reviews for the film out there. Beyond just going into the infamous ‘industrial espionage’ that went on behind the scenes for the film, they even bring some of director Larry Kasanoff’s ‘brilliant’ directing choices to the forefront as well. Needless to say, you can see how someone with so little understanding of animated films could make something this horrendous.

#10: The Phoogeywoogey Kickin’ It Sunday School

“Yes, she’s been possessed… by Gremlins!”, the king of all derp faces that he pulls in one cutaway, “Confused yet? Well, don’t worry”; this is one of those videos where there are just too many good one-offs in a single package for it not to make this list. Even with how weird his Boogeyman collection of reviews would get, this without a doubt is the high point of that grouping.

#9: Phelous Is Skinned Deep

One of Phelous’ early reviews that, even with how much he’d improve over the next few years, still holds up next to his recent material. His ‘Phelous fun facts’ bring out the insanity behind the camera to match that which is in front of it, his tearing apart of the plot holes is fun as always and it marks the first, and best, iteration of his “I’m having a hard time reading the script” gag.

#8: The Phairkara Zone Solution

This video’s opinion has flipped around a lot with me over the last couple years, going from being one of the worst videos Phelous has done to one of his best. As you can probably tell by now, it’s stuck in the latter category at the moment. I think it’s because it takes a certain frame of mind to take in the way that Phelous and Linkara’s senses of humour go together, along with cameos from Lupa, Brad and even 8-Bit Mickey, but when you’re in that frame, their take on this very environmentally disjointed production is quite entertaining.

#7: Slap Across Phelous’ Eyes

Even Phelous’ deadpan routine breaks under the pressure of certain films. This is such a film, resulting in easily one of the biggest showcases of aggro in Phelous’ entire videography. The nausea-inducing camera, the shrill acting, the complete nonexistence of any form of plot; as you watch them unfold along with him, you start to sympathize with him on just how infuriating this film is.

#6: Man’s Best Phriend

It’s a film about a genetically engineered super-dog that, for reasons that I hope never to understand, features rape. I… have no idea how the hell this review didn’t just die as soon as that infamous scene took place, but Phelous is one of those people that make even that kind of brain-melting stuff tolerable. Sure, he has that whole ‘rape horn’ running gag that, have to admit, is pretty funny, but this manages to transcend even the powers of that clip… and yet it’s still hilarious all the way through. Must have something to do with Phelous’ derpy dog voice.

#5: Jack Phroest

It says something about Phelous’ review choices where he has to go this far out there, with a film about a serial killer snowman, to officially enter the realms of ‘weird’ for his wheelhouse. He cuts down its horror elements, along with its failed comedic elements, and while the sequel would certainly get weirder in many different ways (somehow making the video game-related sequel I thought up for the movie as a kid look like genius by comparison), Phelous does a far better job of conveying the ridiculous on this one.

#4: Phinculous

A thriller starring Tara Reid? Sign me up! Or, at the very least, sign me up for the review where Phelous turns a single idiotic moment involving cell phone signals into a running joke that is almost TripleDent Gum-levels of brilliant in its execution. Add to that the various varieties of dumb/dull/Tara Reid character moments and the classic horror film idiocy of the entire production, and you have one of Phelous’ most solid reviews. And yet, it wouldn’t even be the best to come out of his lengthy stint of ‘Pulse’ reviews.

#3: PulselousDotCom.Com 3

That would have to be this one, a threequel so brain-numbing in just how much of it doesn’t make sense, I’m still surprised that no-one from the Divergent films were involved in making it. Phelous’ reactions to the sheer nonsense on screen, not to mention how much it seems to be flat-out ignoring everything that came before it (including its own scenes), are very on-point and it makes for a great amount of catharsis. Oh, and the Angry Joe cameo is alright, I guess.

#2: Phelous And Me Review

Through little jokes here and there, Phelous has very much given the air that he is not particularly proud of his very first review. He goes to tremendous lengths to show how much didn’t work about his own video, from his awkward delivery to the reasons behind said delivery, and yet through all of it it doesn’t come across as hokey in any way, especially for someone who is as big a troll as Phelous. Instead, it highlights his uncanny knack for self-introspection that I honestly think ended up influencing me a lot in my approach to reviewing films, blended with his deadpan snarks that almost serve as a RiffTrax on his own video.

#1: Phelous’s Ladder

Like his “review” of Twilight, this was meant to pull a fast one on the audience. Unlike that other review, I actually fell for this one. Also unlike that other review, this video has a lot of merit to it outside of that bit of trolling. It’s weird for this to be the product of a guy who spends so much time mocking the very of idea of storylines in internet reviews, because this might easily be one of the single best storyline videos I’ve seen from any reviewer. It builds on some remarkably subtle build-up from the last several months of videos, and it relies heavily on a moment from one of his earliest. And yet, neither is really needed to get the complete effect of this video, where Phelous goes about as far as any reviewer could potentially go in terms of plot with a very hard-hitting finale… until his next video, of course.

Time to take a trip from the fields of Canada (do they have fields? I wouldn’t know) to the shores of the UK as we take a look at a reviewer that… reminds me of myself in so many ways that I wish he wouldn’t.

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